Monday quote

For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin - real life.But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first,some unfinished business, time still to be served, or a debt to be paid.Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that this was my life.This perspective has helped me to see that there is no way to happiness.Happiness IS the way.- Fr. Alfred D Souza

A Day Out With Thomas

Except for the fact that it was 28 degrees out, this may have been Adam's most exciting day yet. You should have seen his face when he saw Thomas coming down the tracks!

Adoption guilt....not so much

I follow quite a number of adoption blogs regularly and am always following links to other blogs, specific posts, and articles or sites of interest and I've noticed a lot of writing on the subject of guilt on the part of adoptive parents. Guilt about their children losing their birth culture, guilt over the the pain of the birthparents, guilt that their children have lost their birthparents, guilt that their children will have to deal with all the issues surrounded international adoptees, inability to fully enjoy their child's birthday because they feel guilty that the birthmother must be suffering on this date....a whole universe of guilt that I just....don't understand.

Let me first say that I am NOT belittling these feelings or the sincerity and caring of those expressing them. Nor do I intend to minimize these very important issues and their impacts on our children or the losses they have to deal with. But I just cannot relate to them or even understand the guilt.

There are some losses that seem, to me, be balanced by gains. For example, the loss of their birth culture. There is a corresponding gain of an entirely new culture, with new possibilities and opportunities that never would have presented themselves otherwise. I can't see feeling guilty about this. I think this loss can be somewhat mitigated by exposing the children to their birth cultures and keeping it alive for them.

The larger and more primal loss is, of course, that of the birth family. I CERTAINLY feel empathy and even some grief for my son's loss and all that he will have to process.

I have tremendous sympathy and compassion for Adam's birth family and think of them often. He has two living birthparents and older siblings. I can't even imagine what it must be like to be in a position where you are faced with the decision to give up your child. Nor can I imagine spending the rest of my life missing him. But, guilt? Not an ounce or a drop.

In a perfect world, people would never have to make such decisions based on monetary or cultural pressure. But we live in an imperfect world. I truly believe that when his parents made the heartrending, loving decision to place him for adoption, that THIS was the outcome they hoped for. That if they couldn't raise him, that he would find his way to someone who could, who would love him more than life. I'm so glad that someone was me.

Things I've done

I saw this on Midlife Mama's blog and thought it was fun! Things I've done are in yellow
1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped (there's not enough money!)
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo's David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp (no, but I've been to the Robben Island prison in South Africa)
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar (there's not enough money! LOL!)
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee
100. Read an entire book in one day.

Monday quote

"When we hate our enemies, we give them power over us - power over our sleep, our appetites, and our happiness. They would dance with joy if they knew how much they were hurting us. Our hate is not hurting them at all, but it is turning our own days and nights into a hellish turmoil."

Monday quote

Oh, how much grief this would have saved me over the years had I heard it earlier and been receptive to its message:

"Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option."

McDonalds is my kind of place....

On Veterans' Day, Adam and I journeyed to Connecticut to meet some friends at the Norwalk Aquarium. Through the wonders of the blogging and online adoption world, I reconnected with an old friend from high school who I hadn't seen in 30 years. She adopted three beautiful girls from China as a single mom. We had a reunion lunch early in the summer with a 3rd married high school friend who also adopted internationally (Chile and Mexico).

This trip was just the single moms . The time at the Aquarium was....well....filled with Adam's oh so very terrible two-ness. Lots of flinging himself dramatically on the floor and ripping his shoes off and throwing them. After waving the white flag of surrender on the Aquarium, we headed to McDonalds for lunch. It was one of those suburban McDonalds with the huge playgrounds. which was a first for us.

After we ate, Marie's lovely daughters, Olivia and Sophia (12 and 6) took Adam outside to the playground. And he went! And played with them BY HIMSELF for about an hour and a half. Do you realize how big this is? I didn't have to get up and go with him -- for the very first time! Which meant I got to sit and have an adult conversation uninterrupted for the first time in a long time. (Of course, I eventually had to crawl around in that claustrophobic maze of tunnels and ride down the slide with Adam....)

I'm lucky to have a lot of friends who have been very supportive of me and my adoption of Adam. Some adoptive parents as well, married friends with children, single friends without -- and I appreciate all of them more than I can say. But I didn't know how badly I needed to talk to another SINGLE adoptive mother. It was such a relief and such a help.

And if we have any doubt what I am most grateful for this thanksgiving, here he is:

Happy Thanksgiving!

Just another manic Monday....

...thank you to everyone who has been so supportive in my "anonymous" travails. Its nice to know I'm not alone!

Adam is busy practicing his song for the daycare holiday play -- "Jingle Bells". When he gets to the "laughing all the way" part he throws back his head, lifts his hands to frame his face and goes "Ah ha ha!" He is just too cute to bear. And he knows it!

He really loves clothes and shoes. I bought him a new hat during our cold snap last week and the first thing he said when I put it on him was 'Mirror! Mirror!' Shoes are very important to him -- he has a clear idea every morning what shoes he wants to wear. And woe to me if I can't find them!

We're going to see the Radio City Christmas show on Black Friday and trekking out to Pennsylvania the first weekend in December to ride the"real" Thomas the Tank Engine. I'm sure there will be many cute pictures to come!

Monday quote

"If you don't like a situation change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude. Don't complain."--Maya Angelou

Types of Intelligence

A fun quiz.... and I've got to admit its pretty accurate...

Your result for Howard Gardner's Eight Types of Intelligence Test...

Intrapersonal

16% Logical, 10% Spatial, 45% Linguistic, 49% Intrapersonal, 37% Interpersonal, 14% Musical, 4% Bodily-Kinesthetic and 45% Naturalistic!

"This area has to do with introspective and self-reflective capacities. Those who are strongest in this intelligence are typically introverts and prefer towork alone. They are usually highly self-aware and capable of understanding their own emotions, goals and motivations. They often have an affinity for thought-based pursuits such as philosophy. They learn best when allowed to concentrate on the subject by themselves. There is often a high level of perfectionism associated with this intelligence.

Careers which suit those with this intelligence include philosophers, psychologists, theologians, writers and scientists." (Wikipedia)

Take Howard Gardner's Eight Types of Intelligence Test at

A very happy boy....

....sitting in his carseat outside our building waiting for Enterprise Rent a Car to pick us up. Could he be any happier? A car to go with his carseat! LOL!

A question for Anonymous

If you are so convinced you are asking me "the hard questions" why are you hiding behind "anonymous"? Why not identify yourself? Any chance your initials are JV?

Two Open Letters

1. Dear Daycare teachers, doctors, nurses, etc:

Please do not call me "mommy". I have a name. I am a person, not a role. You are regular fixtures in our lives and you KNOW my name. Please use it. Thank you very much.

2. Dear Anonymous: Please, I am BEGGING you - stop reading my blog. Please stop telling me that the blog is a catalog for child abusers, that I am invading Adam's privacy, asking me to explain to you why he is still taking a bottle (exactly who is it that you think you are?) -- please, please GO AWAY! Thank you very much.

Monday quote

Life is not the way it's supposed to be. It's the way it is. The way you cope with it is what makes the difference.– Virginia Satir

A particularly good quote for these times

Few will have the greatness to bend history; but each of us can work to change a small portion of the events, and in the total of all these acts will be written the history of this generation ... It is from numberless diverse acts of courage and belief that human history is thus shaped.


Each time a man stands up for an ideal, or acts to improve the lot of others, or strikes out against injustice, he sends forth a tiny ripple of hope, and crossing each other from a million different centers of energy and daring those ripples build a current which can sweep down the mightiest walls of oppression and resistance.


- Robert F. Kennedy, Day of Affirmation Address, University of Capetown, South Africa, June 6, 1966

Monday quote

If you believe that feeling bad or worrying long enough will change a past or future event, then you are residing on another planet with a different reality system. --William James

Elmo!

Babies for Barack

Monday quote

Justice will not be served until those who are unaffected are as outraged as those who are. --Benjamin Franklin,

So the child woke up at 12:20 last night....

....sobbing hysterically and crying that he wanted to --- clean!

Here's one for the "What is wrong with people?" file...

A friend recently related a conversation she had with another co-worker about the co-worker's recent trip to Vietnam.

It never fails to boggle my mind when when someone travels to a developing country and is shocked by the level of poverty -- not understanding that they could find that poverty right here in their own backyards if they just opened their eyes and their hearts and their minds. My bogglement morphed into annoyance when it was further related to me that this woman was so upset by the poverty, she sat at the window in her hotel room in Hanoi and wept, not leaving the room for two days, wailing to my friend that people were dying in the street. I do not,by any stretch of the imagination, mean to minimize the very real, heart wrenching poverty that exists in Vietnam. Still, I find it hard to believe, knowing where she stayed, that she saw people dying in the streets.

But just how useless was staying in the room and weeping for two days? Get out in those streets! Meet those people! Buy things from them!

My annoyance turned to real anger, however, when she said "This is why Kathy needs to take Adam back to Vietnam when he's older -- to show him how his life could have been and to make sure he's grateful!" There are just too many things wrong with that sentiment to even begin to enumerate. What is wrong with people anyway?

A foreshadowing....

...As I've mentioned before, Adam is very social. We talk to many people on the street and in stores, and often people I've never seen will say hello to him, most likely knowing him from daycare.

While we were walking the dog the other morning, a woman came out of her house and greeted me with familiarity. I had no clue who she was. She turned to Adam and exclaimed "Adam! My, you're getting so big!" After a few minutes of polite small talk, we continued on our way. Once we were out of earshot, I bent over and asked Adam "Does that lady work in your school?" Without missing a beat he replied "No, food store." And he was right. She was a cashier from our local supermarket.

I suspect this is how our life will go in a few years -- Adam will lead his old decrepit mother gently down the street and as we encounter people, coach me with "Now, Mother, this is Sally from the drugstore. You remember Sally, don't you?" LOL!

Monday quote

Resentment is letting someone you despise live rent free in your head

My unequivocal boy

While I was on the phone with mother the other night, Adam cried and screamed and generally behaved like a huge pain in the butt. There was nothing wrong with him, nothing to indicate what his problem was. After I got off the phone he was a perfect angel for the rest of the night. I sat down with him and said "You don't like it when Mama is on the phone?" He said no. I said "Well, sometimes I have to talk to Grandma on the phone." His reply? "NO! Mama talk to Adam!" Hoo boy! It doesn't get much clearer than that! LOL!

Quote of the week...

...a day late because of the Columbus Day Holiday. This one is especially meaningful to me at this particular time:

Life is too short, so love the people who treat you right, forget about the ones who don't, and believe that everything happens for a reason. Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.

“There is a comfort in the strength of love; "t will make a thing endurable which else would overset the brain or break the heart " -- Wordsworth

Adam and I have a sweet little ritual for when he is grouchy, or sad, overtired, or just in need of some snuggling. He sits on my lap facing me with his arms around my neck as I rock and sing a quiet little song I made up. It goes "Rocka Rocka baby, Rocka Roca Adam, Rocka Rocka baby, I love you." As we go on, with each repetition, I change the name of the person who loves him and one by one list all the people in his life.

When I notice he is about to lose it, I will ask "Do you need a rocka?"

The other day, for the first time, I caught him playing with his cars, quietly singing the "rocka" song to himself. A sweet moment!

Words do two major things: They provide food for the mind and create light for understanding and awareness.

For some time now, I've been in the habit of collecting quotations that come across on line. Quotations that move me, that inspire me, that speak to me. I had some vague ideas about doing a creative project involving them but haven't come up with the right idea. So I've decided to post them here -- one quote every Monday. I'll try to choose those that are applicable to parenting, how I want to raise my son, values and strengths I'd like him to have, or that I think can help him throughout his life. Here's the first one:

“ The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other’s life.” ~ Richard Bach

Sometimes he is too cute to bear!

This morning as we were getting ready to leave the house, I asked "Ok, who's ready to go? Adam, are you ready? " "Yes!" "Nea, are you ready?" (I replied for Nea. "Mama, are you ready?" I asked myself. "Yes." Adam clapped his hands in delight and said "Allbody's ready!" He's killing me!

Its a Wiggly World...

Anthony Wiggle

Adam fell in love with the Wiggles in daycare. He watches at least one Wiggles DVD every day and follows all the dance moves. I've grown fond of them myself. They are gentle and sweet and have lovely voices and songs that are catchy without being grating.

We went to see The Wiggles in concert this summer and I don't think Adam has recovered from it yet. We were a little bit late due to a traffic jam and they were on stage in the middle of the first song when we arrived. I had, of course, been telling Adam we were going to see The Wiggles for weeks in advance, but he had no idea that they were going to actually be there -- in person!

When we walked out into the arena and he saw them on the stage, he let out a huge scream of shocked delight. We were lucky to be only 15 rows from the stage so he had a great view. He was completely focused on every song, dancing his little heart out. He is a great audience, clapping enthusiastically at the end of each number. At one point, Anthony (the "Blue Wiggle") came up our aisle and I thrust Adam out and Anthony touched his hand. Well! The child has reminded me each and every day since then that Anthony touched his hand! At least once a day. Usually more. And he remembers which hand and points to it. If it were up to him, he probably would never wash the hand again!

Dorothy the Dinosaur and Wags the Dog

Captain Feathersword

Jeff Wiggle

Murray Wiggle

Adam in his Wiggles cap outside the arena

Enjoying a bottle in his Wiggles t-shirt

(yes, that was the smallest size they had!)

The best dog in the world

When I got out of the shower this morning, Nea was nowhere in sight. Usually, she doesn't let me very far out of her sight, sitting on the edge of the rug starting at the bathroom door waiting for me. She wasn't there this time, nor was she on the couch. I called her a few times but she didn't come. I was about to panic, as she is 16 years old, when I noticed the door to Adam's room was ajar. She had pushed the door open and was curled up sleeping by his crib. Good doggie!

Photos from the Coney Island Aquarium and Boardwalk

So, we went to the Aquarium at Coney Island last weekend. This was Adam at the sight of every single fish or aquatic creature, no matter the size "No! No! I scared! I scared!" and then he would pull up the sunshade on the stroller so he didn't see them. Sigh. Polar bears and hissing geese don't bother him. Fish, however, do. I wouldn't have guessed it. He wasn't interested at all in the sea lion show, though at least he didn't scream in terror.

As it had taken two hours on public transportation to get there and the temperature was 85 degrees with about 500% humidity, I was less than amused.

I decided we should sit down and have lunch before we started the long trek home. As we headed toward the exit, Adam decided he wanted to try to look at the walrus again. And lo and behold, he changed his tune! We went through the whole aquarium again with Adam chanting "No scared" at every exhibit. LOL!

We decided to take a little walk on the boardwalk as Adam wanted to see the ocean. Although he steeled himself and tried three separate times (at his own insistence!) he wasn't able to go more than two steps onto the evil sand before stopping and shrieking to be picked up. Someday!

I hadn't thought about the amusement park rides when planning the trip to the Aquarium, but once Adam saw them we had to go on every one we could. No fears there!

The unspeakable horrors of motherhood that no one tells you about...

.....I had to give Adam an enema. Enough said!

How is it even possible....

....that our Giving & Receiving Ceremony, the day that made us an official family, was a year ago today? How is it possible there was a time in my life when he wasn't mine?

That Wascally Wabbit

So, what is it with rabbits in Vietnam? Are they some vicious attack animal? Of all the animals at the zoo, it was the rabbits Adam was afraid of. So much so that he freaked when he saw an inlaid mosaic of a rabbit in the subway station. Second biggest fear? Army ants -- behind glass.

However, the polar bears were a HUGE hit. If you ask him what he saw that the zoo, he will tell you "A bear", then pause for effect and say "a BIG bear". The big sheep and goats in the petting zoo didn't faze him at all and he absolutely loved the big pot-bellied pigs.

There seems to be no logic I can tease out in the things he is scared of and the things he isn't. We recently discovered there is a lake in a nearby park ad we've gone to feed the ducks and geese a few times. Geese are not the most pleasant of birds. They are very aggressive and will bite the ducks and each other to get at our bread crumbs. They are also very bold and will get right up in your face and hiss and honk. Adam didn't blink at them, though mama admits she was a little bit nervous. Yet cuddly rabbits and ants behind class brought screams. Go figure.

Adam Visits the Central Park Zoo

What a disappointment I am!

We got into the elevator at daycare this morning with one of the staff. She says hello to Adam, and asks how he is. He looks at her for a moment and then says "Mama no car. Carseat. No car." and shakes his head sadly. LOL!. Less than a year ago, he had probably never been in a car. Now I am already letting him down by not having a car. (Although he did graciously acknowledge the fact that we do indeed have a car seat!)

I was going to post today...

...a long rambling post, with a little whining, some fun stories.....but I just received very sad news from a friend who was waiting on travel for her baby girl. The baby girl has just been diagnosed with a very serious health condition and they will not be able to bring her home. As you can imagine, their hearts are breaking. And mine is too. I just want to go home and hug my healthy child and feel grateful.

There is a new saint.......

...and her name is Alphonsa. Alphonsa is one of Adam's former teachers. Adam loved all three of the teachers, but Alphonsa was always special to him. He cried every day when she went to lunch and always awoke from his nap well ahead of the other children (just when she would return from lunch) and would have time with Alphonsa all to himself. She, in turn, adores him, and finds even his temper hilarious.

One day last week when I picked Adam up, his new teacher (Mrs. Cherry -- on whom the jury of opinion is still out) said Alphonsa was looking for me. When I found her, she asked me if Adam could stay with her that Friday (daycare was closed for the Feast of the Assumption.) Can he stay with her? Yes! Yes! Of course he can!

When I picked him up -- and she lives two blocks away! -- after what appeared to be a very fun day for both of them, Alphonsa volunteered that she would watch him anytime I needed her. If I needed to go shopping or go to a movie, I should just give her a call! I almost fell upon her weeping and kissing her. I could go to a movie! I have a babysitter! Woo hoo!

I don't quite believe it myself...

...but nothing has been thrown in the no throwing house since Monday night.....

An experiment

I am close to my wits' end with Adam's throwing things when he is angry. I know this is a normal stage, but I also know that it can't be tolerated. I know he needs to learn other ways to express anger. I want him to know that any feeling he has is ok -- its the actions associated with the feelings that can be problematical. It is ok to be angry, but it is not ok to throw a car at the dog because you are angry.

I know some of this will come in time as his language abilities grow, but, in the meantime, the throwing simply needs to stop. I came up with an idea that I am desperately hoping will work. On Friday, I told Adam that as of Monday, we live in a "no throwing house". If he throws something, he gets warned once not to throw. The second time he throws it, it goes into the new "no throwing" box, well out of his reach. Once it goes in, I set a timer for two minutes and he cannot have it back until the timer goes off. His bottle went into the no throwing box 6 times in half an hour last night.

Keep your fingers crossed!

You could have knocked me over with a feather!

Adam recently weighed in at a little over 22 pounds and I've been a bit concerned about how slowly he's gaining weight. The last time I measured him was his birthday so I decided to check his height last night and was stunned to see he's grown TWO INCHES since April! Two inches! Given that, the fact that he gained even that little bit of weight is amazing!

Well, of course.....

...Adam's stress over the change in his caretakers is playing out in his sleep. In the last month or so, he's actually slept through the night on occasion, maybe 3 times a week, and wakened 1 or 2 times on the other nights -- a much welcome development that improved the quality of both our lives immensely. Monday night, he was up every 90 minutes all night long. Last night was a little better but he was still up three or four times. Sigh.

Ok, its official, I'm one of those crazy mothers....

Daycare reopened today (woo hoo!) after a month's vacation. Adam and I were both very excited. He's been looking forward to seeing his beloved teachers Alphonsa and Elizabeth. I've been looking forward to just walking down the block to drop him off rather than drive 20 minutes.

We practically ran down the hallway to his classroom this morning only to be met by Mrs. Helen announcing "He's not in my class this year." HUH?!?!?! I was stunned and quite flabbergasted. . She repeats it and tells me I'll have to go to the office to find out what classroom he is supposed to be in. By this point, Adam is crying because a little boy in the classroom was standing by the door crying and you know how one kid crying sets off all the others...

So I carry my crying boy to the office, furious and upset. I knew that the way the school was structured they would plan to move him at age 2 and a half (he won't be 2 and a half until October) and was already working on my argument to keep him in the same classroom for the balance of the school year and move him next year. As my faithful readers know, Adam has trouble with any change in the daycare routine. I suspect that is at least in part because the loss of his caretakers in Vietnam is still less than a year old. It took a lot for him to trust the teachers and love them.

I think it is too soon for this move, he is too young to understand it. Just as it was too soon for me to leave him with someone other than Mrs. Helen for this first vacation from school. Next year he will be 3 when the vacation comes around, more secure in the situation and able to understand more.

I barged into the office like a madwoman, demanding to know "Why?" "Why?" he was moved. They moved all the kids from his class at the same time. Their argument was that it would be harder to move him in October than now. Sigh. We left it at "Just let him try for a few days...."

I was much more upset about HOW this was handled. Why did I not know this ahead of time? I could have helped prepare him a bit for this transition. Instead, I feel like he was blindsided (he was!) and that he must think I lied to him. We kept talking about how happy Elizabeth and Alphonsa would be to see him and how much he loved them. I cried all the way to work on the subway, feeling his pain, and convinced that I have damaged his trust, that I lied to him and betrayed him.

It's official. I'm one of those crazy mothers.

Boundaries on Board

Adam is a very social and affectionate child. He will happily blow kisses at you, high five you, sit on your lap, hug you. However, with the exception of his teachers, he draws the line at being picked up by other people. Even people he knows quite well and sees often. I suspect he harbors a fear of someone picking him up and carrying him away from his life with me -- which is exactly what I did to him last September. I respect that boundary and warn other people about it.

Recently, I brought Adam into my office for our annual Ice Cream Party. They turn the salad bar in the cafeteria into a sundae fixings bar, and there's ice cream, hot pretzels, cookies, balloons, music and some sort of fun activity for the kids. It's my favorite day of the work year.

One of my co-workers asked if she could pick Adam up. I replied that I would prefer that she wouldn't as he would scream. Well, she bent right down and picked him up and YES, he screamed. She looked stunned and said "Oh, I thought I would have the magic touch." Sigh.

The bitter bottle battle...or "who's in charge here anyway?"

I know you've all heard it before, but they don't call them the terrible twos for nothing!

So, Adam and I have been having a little power struggle. When he is angry, he tends to throw whatever he is holding at that moment. This is often a bottle. The twist is that he expects ME to pick it up and bring it back to him after it is thrown. At which point, 9 out of 10 times, he would throw it again and then scream for me to get it. Well, I got tired of that one REAL quick. Unfortunately, Adam didn't.

About two weeks ago, I decided to bite the bullet and simply refuse to retrieve anything he's thrown -- he had to get it himself. (I know, I know --we also need to work on the actual "throwing" problem -- but one step at a time.)

I was quickly reminded that Adam has a lot of qualities that, when channelled properly, will be strengths for him. Focus, stick-to-it-iveness, determination --right now, though, those qualities merely produce tantrums of the highest quality. Adam is a most excellent tantrum thrower. He can stay with it for hours...and there is no distracting him. That just makes him madder. LOL!

His crowning performance lasted one hour and 45 minutes -- mind you, the bottle was two inches away from his hand and he would NOT pick it up. I was to pick it up. At one point he had knocked the bottle even further away and I picked him up and carried him over to the bottle -- it was so hard not to laugh when he put his hands behind his back rather than pick it up. The child is good.

Rather than simply reminding him that when he throws something, he has to pick it up, I tried something a little different recently. In a jocular tone, I asked him "Who threw the bottle?" and we went down a list. "Did Mama throw the bottle?" "No...." "Did Nea throw the bottle?" "No....." and after 6 or 7 names I asked "Did Adam throw the bottle?" Much to my surprise, he said yes, laughed, and went and picked it up! Its worked more than once now. Keep your fingers crossed.

Where to start?

Well, I guess I'll start with where I left you. Then I'll slowly get you caught up after the whirlwind that June and July have been.

Thankfully, Adam's head teacher, the famous Mrs. Helen, returned to school with her broken foot healed on the last day of classes. I was able to make arrangements with her to care for him during the vacation. I took two weeks off in July to offset the ridiculous cost of renting a car in the NYC tristate area. Even so, it's costing me more to rent a car for two weeks than I normally pay for a month of daycare!

So, we leave the house between 7 and 7:15 a.m. drive 15-20 minutes to Mrs. Helen's house. I drop him off about 7:30-7:45, turn around and drive back and park the car in a garage near the PATH train. You cannot park on the streets in Jersey City without a permit. You cannot get a permit if you don't have a car registered to a Jersey City address. If you park without a permit, you must move the car every two hours during the hours of 9 a.m. - 5 p.m. That would seriously cut into my working day! LOL! So, its a garage for me. Then I hop on the PATH train and head to work, beginning my work day a mere 4 hours after I've arisen.

I leave the office at 4, and do the whole thing in reverse, picking him up around 5:15 and we're home and exhausted by 5:50 or so.

Its been expensive and tiring, but it really was the best thing for Adam. After a day or two of tears at the drop off and pick up, he's now saying"Bye bye Mama" before Helen even answers the door bell. School opens August 4, so we'll be back to our normal routine soon.

I know I owe you all a BIG update...

...and I promise its coming. In the meantime, two pictures to tide you over...

Adam, cousin Ashley, Mama, and our long-suffering Nea in Florida last week.

On the beach with Uncle Daniel. Note how high in my arms Adam is and the position of his feet. He wanted nothing to do with the sand after it got on his hands and feet once. That was the end of the beach.

Almost settled.....

....so I spoke to my therapist about the whole July daycare dilemma. Her opinion was that Helen's sudden absence from day care has triggered some of Adam's loss memories from the adoption. Like here's another caretaker whom he loves and trusts who is suddenly gone. And he might be afraid that could happen with me too. I've noticed since Helen has been out, he wants to be carried home from daycare, where previously he was insistent on walking everywhere.

Her opinion is that the best and easiest thing for him would be that I rent a car and let him stay with Helen during the vacation. She thinks its just too soon and too much change all at once for him. Next year, he will be a little over 3 when vacation break comes, much more secure, and able to understand more and it should be a whole different ball game.

In talking about my fears about his inflexibility and I realized its only about daycare that routine is so important to him. Over the weekend, we went to a party full of people he'd never met on Saturday, and to a cousin's house on Sunday and he was at ease in both place immediately and very friendly and open. In contrast, he absolutely refuses to acknowledge the existence of the teacher at school who fills in in Helen's absence. He's fine with the two teachers he is used to, but won't even respond at all to substitute. He's a tough customer!

+

His first tie!

On the horns of a dilemma...

The only problem I have with Adam's daycare-- he completely loves it -- is the fact that they close for the entire month of July. Sigh. This fact gave me pause when I was researching daycare facilities, but the good things about it were so good and the administrator assured me that many of the teachers took kids into their homes in July, that I forged ahead -- July seemed so far off.

Well, its almost upon us. I had high hopes that one of his teachers, whom he loves unreservedly, would take him in July, but it turns out she will be going away for the month. His head teacher (Helen) has told me she would be happy to take him, but she lives in another town only accessible by car -- and I don't have a car. She assured me she knows some of the other teachers live in my neighborhood and that she will ask them for me.

However.....its recently become very clear to me that Adam's routine is very important to him. Helen broke a toe and has been out since Thursday. Usually, she comes in at 7:30, and one of the assistant teachers (Elizabeth) arrives at 8. The center opens at 7 and several of his classmates arrive before Helen. They go into the classroom next door and await her arrival.

On Friday, when I realized Helen wasn't coming in, I attempted to leave Adam in the other classroom. His reaction was pure fear and hysteria. He is so rarely afraid -- usually if he cries, its because he's angry or frustrated. He clung to me and sobbed hysterically. I was shocked as he knows all these teachers and most of the kids. Since it was my "go to the mall and see Indiana Jones day", I didn't have to hurry so I waited with him until the Elizabeth arrived at 8. He clung to me the entire time, which is very unusual for him. He's an affectionate child, but not clingy and cuddly. When Elizabeth arrived, he ran off my lap and into her arms, crying.

Yesterday, it was the same scene, so I waited with him again until 8, making me 45 minutes late for work. About halfway through the half hour wait he indicated he wanted to go to the other classroom and we walked down the hall, but he burst into tears at the sight of the teachers and we returned to our wait.

Last night, I talked to him and explained that if Helen wasn't there when we got there today, he was going to wait in the other class and Elizabeth would come and get him. I find that if he knows what's expected of him and what is going to happen, 8 out of 10 times he accepts it. This, however, was not one of those times. His hysteria was such that I just couldn't leave him. He is much more upset by this change than he was when he first started daycare.

It became clear to me just how attached he is to the routine when I picked him up last night. Usually, he comes to the door and I pick him up and greet him and the teacher gets his jacket and brings it to us. The weather was warm and muggy for the first time yesterday so he hadn't worn a jacket. When he realized no jacket was forthcoming, he burst into tears. Later, when we walked the dog, he insisted on wearing his jacket and even wore it over his pajamas until bedtime. Sigh.

I'm thinking maybe I just can't leave him for a month with a teacher he's not familiar with. I've mulled over taking two weeks off in July and then taking the rest of the month as unpaid leave. It would be hard, financially, but I could do it. I've considered renting a car for the month and driving him to Helen's house every day. This would be costly as well, but not as costly as unpaid leave. And he would definitely be comfortable with her.

I'm going on the assumption that this is an adoption related issue --that his security is tied to his routine. I worry that he needs to learn to be adaptable and flexible. I don't want to feed into this issue and make it a bigger problem. My instincts are telling me to stay with him until Elizabeth arrives, to suck it up and rent the car so he can be comfortable with Helen, that I'm expecting too much of him. Does he need to learn this lesson about flexibility and adapting now, or is next July a more appropriate time? Is it too soon for me to worry about this? He's only home 8 months. What do the experienced adoptive parents think?

We interrupt this blog for a brief photo interlude

Just a nice smile for the camera - handsome boy!

Silly boy laying in a storage bin, drinking a bottle with his drum and watching the Wiggles

Learning to multitask - Adam loves to look at himself in the mirror. By inserting the DVD over the nipple, he can drink his bottle AND look at himself at the same time. LOL!

Mama has a playdate!

By herself! Hmmm....that doesn't sound right....let me explain. My office closes at 2 p.m. on Friday for the holiday weekend. I don't have to pick Adam up from daycare until about 5:15. I initially thought I would hit the mall with my free time. As I'm sure you all know, its next to impossible to try on clothes with a two year old in tow, so shopping for clothing for myself has been limited to one or two stores within walking distance of my office. But then I realized that the new Indiana Jones movie opens tomorrow and if I didn't see it Friday, I would have to wait until it comes out on DVD many months from now. I waffled for a day or two....Harrison Ford? Or new underwear?

And then it hit me! For the mere price of half a vacation day, I could have BOTH! Omigod! Shopping AND a movie! The last time I was in a mall....hmmm....November. I can't tell you the last movie I saw in a theater.

I have taken the occasional day off here and there while Adam is in daycare, but they've been either to catch up on sleep or get things done around the house that have backed up. This is the first time its just for FUN. I can't wait!

I haven't yet left Adam with a babysitter (other than daycare) for two reasons. We are apart nine hours a day during the week. I felt that was more than enough time, especially as our relationship was just developing. And Adam was also clearly NOT ready to be left. I'm still not sure he is completely ready, but he's closer than he's been. He's healthily attached and becoming secure in his new world. He's VERY social and outgoing. He has a little trouble with change -- on the few occasions where we've arrived at daycare to find his head teacher will be late and a backup waiting to greet him, he has been very upset and once cried until he threw up. So, I'm not sure he's ready. But Mama's ready to start thinking about an occasional movie or dinner out.

I'm going to start searching for babysitters and perhaps leaving him for an hour or two on a weekend afternoon and see how it goes.

I'm coming Indy!

Boys!

Yesterday, after I plucked Adam off the coffee table for about the 3 zillionth time, he finally fell. He landed safely on his back on the carpeted floor, no bumps or bruises, just a little scared. As he was crying in my arms and after I comforted him a bit, I said "Now see -- that's why I tell you not to climb on the table. You can get hurt. Are you going to stay off the table now?"

Still crying and sobbing, he emphatically shook his head "no!" LOL! Boys!

The neurologist who actually examined Adam...

We went to the pediatric neurologist yesterday. The neurologist was very thorough and spent a lot of time with us. Her opinion is he does not need the EEG -- with febrile seizures, the abnormal brain activity occurs during the seizure -- so doing an eeg now would be pointless. She also thought he doesn't need to be on the Phenobarbital -- she said it was unnecessary for him to be so heavily medicated all the time for something that might never happen again, or that could happen once a year. If the seizures recur with frequency, we can revisit that.

Basically, its just fever related, he'll outgrow it, and what I have to do is monitor him very closely for fever. Once he's at 101, its a problem. She gave me a prescription for a suppository (that ought to > be fun) that I am to give him to lower his fever once it reaches this point if Tylenol or Motrin doesn't bring it down quickly. So, it will be a little nervewracking, but it seems to not be as serious as it could have been.

He's fine. Me -- not so much! LOL!

Thanks to all for their support!

So this was our weekend...

...a very very bad weekend. At about 3 p.m. on Saturday afternoon , I noticed Adam was warm and took his temperature -- to my shock it was 103.7! He had no other symptoms and was behaving completely normally. I gave him some tylenol and watched him. At 4:30, his temperature was unchanged, so I gave him a little more Tylenol. About an hour later, he had a seizure. If you've never seen one, a seizure, especially in a baby, is a terribly scary thing! It seemed as if it went on for hours, but it was probably 30-45 seconds long. I put him in a cool bath to try and bring his temp down, called the pediatrician, jumped in a cab and went to the nearest emergency room.

Fortunately for us, it was a slow night -- only two people were waiting when we arrived. Adam seemed fine, was talking and very interested in everything in the room. They took us into triage right away, gave him Motrin (his temp was now 104.4!) and sent us back to the emergency room to await our turn. Five minutes later he had another seizure, allowing us to jump the line and rush right in.

It was completely surreal to be running down a hospital corridor with my convulsing son in my arms. At the risk of sounding overly dramatic, he looked so little on the emergency room stretcher.

Apparently, with febrile (fever-related) seizures, it is unusual to have more than one. The second seizure, coupled with the fact that I couldn't tell them with 100% certainty that he'd never had a seizure before, led them to admit him and plan a battery of tests. (The child in the next curtain area in the emergency room is in the same daycare class as Adam. Marcello was also admitted so he and Adam were roommates. )

He received a chest xray and blood drawn in the emergency room and once we got up to a room, they put Adam on IV fluids and antibiotics, with a CAT scan and an EEG to be scheduled. He flat out refused to go into the scary cagelike crib, so we spent the night trying to sleep as best we could in an uncomfortable hard leather recliner in the room.

The CAT scan was scheduled for Sunday, but there was no one in the hospital on a weekend who could do an EEG. Being strapped down and having your head immobilized when you don't understand what is happening must be terrifying. Once the scan started, however, and lights started flashing, he was fascinated and all crying and struggling ceased.

Once Adam went down for a nap on Sunday, I realized I needed to go home to my poor long-suffering dog and feed and walk her -- we ran out of the house for the hospital and had been gone 17 hours at this point. As I prepared to leave, I had the sudden realization that I er... didn't exactly know where I was. I've never been hospitalized in the city where we live and didn't know really know where the nearest hospital was. The pediatrician gave me the name of the hospital on the phone, we jumped in a cab and off we went. It was dark. I was a little distracted! LOL! I had no idea if, when I exited the hospital, it would be easy to hail a cab. The security guard at the front desk took pity on me -- after eyeballing me a little warily -- and called me a cab. Let me just say here that my dog is the BEST dog in the world -- with a bladder of steel. She had not gone to the bathroom in the house while we were gone. I took a quick shower, fed and walked her and took a cab back to the hospital.

Being in the hospital is stressful and boring enough as an adult, but impossible for a two-year old! There was a little playroom on the floor, but their choices of toys was questionable for a hospital. There was a small ride-on wooden horse with wheels, and an Elmo lawnmower. Picture two parents, running down the hospital hallway wheeling IV poles trying to keep up with the two two-year olds so they don't pull their IVs out!

I have to give Adam credit -- he was a trouper 90% of the time. Except for blood draws, he was a suprisingly cooperative and charming patient. He spent a lot of time hanging out with and entertaining the nurses. He and Marcello played nicely most of the time...a few skirmishes over toys here and there, but nothing out of the ordinary.

The neurologist showed up for the consult at 11 p.m Sunday night. 11 p.m.! And he was....hmmm....how shall I say it? A character? No, that's not quite it....perhaps I'll use a term used by several of the nurses -- a wacko. At 11 p.m., he stood in the hall outside our room and bellowed "Room 406! What is your name?" Mind you, we were sound asleep in our uncomfortable chair at the time. I roused myself and responded and he burst in the room, turned on the lights, dragged up a chair, and the consult started. As he explained, his "style" was not to just ask questions, but to have an entire conversation about many things, from which he would discern the information he needed. Sigh. I was too tired to argue, and felt desperately in need of his diagnosis, so we talked about my beautiful skin and how he couldn't believe I was 49; how when I change Adam's diaper I shouldn't use diaper wipes, but should hold him under running water (give me strength); how surprised he was that the Vietnamese would allow the "imperialists" to adopt their children and on and on.... (And how lovely for the other sleeping family to have to listen to this whole production in the middle of the night.)

Finally, he said that Adam has what is called Complex Febrile Seizures. He put him on phenobarbitol and said he thinks he should be on it for two years and that children generally outgrow these seizures by 5 or so. (The ER physician had told me if you have to have seizures, these are the "best" kind to have as they are not neurological in nature and don't indicate a deeper problem.)

By the time the neurologist left (one of the nurses said I should be glad he didn't show up at 2 a.m. as he sometimes does!) Adam had fallen back asleep and they didn't want to wake him for the phenobarbitol, so gave it to him when he woke up again around two a.m. The nurse told me the EEG was scheduled for 11 a.m. so I should wake Adam up at 5 a.m. (!) so he would be tired by 11 as he needed to be asleep for the test. Sigh. How can they possibly expect a child would sleep through such a thing?

I refused to wake him up at 5 as he was so exhausted and knocked out from the medication. I finally woke him around 6:30. The EEG technician showed up at 8 a.m.! ARGH! She said she'd try again around 11a.m. The nurse gave Adam his medication accordingly, and called the EEG technician when he fell asleep around 10:45. And called again when she didn't show. And again. What time did she come? 12:30. An EEG requires a large number of electrodes to be attached to the head and she spent about 20 minutes attaching half of them when....of course...he woke up. And that was the end of that. She said she'd try again at 2, but I told her that was ridiculous, that there was no way he'd be asleep again at 2. Very frustrating!

At this point, the EEG was all we were waiting for and I really couldn't see spending another night in the hospital on the chance that he would be -- and stay -- asleep for the test.

The nurses, who were beyond excellent, told me that this hospital's pediatric unit was very small and only had a limited number of equipment. She said there is another EEG machine that does not require children to be asleep but they do not have it. She recommended we get it done elsewhere on an out patient basis. Adam was discharged about 3 p.m. Monday. I kept him home Tuesday, just because I was a nervous mama, and he very happily went back to daycare on Wednesday.

Turns out his pediatrician has a pediatric neurologist in their practice, so we are going in for a followup tomorrow and to schedule the EEG.

Do I get to have my nervous breakdown now?

Slow and easy wins the race

Its been three weeks since I started the process of transitioning Adam into his own crib. I didn't want it to be abrupt or traumatic for him, realizing he'd probably never slept in a room alone before, so I spent about 10 days sleeping on the floor beside the crib. Then I moved to the couch, which is just outside his bedroom door, and spent another week there. I just spent the second night in my own bed, just me and the pup, for just about the first time in seven months! During this process, Adam's sleeping gradually improved. I can hardly believe I can say this, but he's now waking up ONLY once or sometimes twice a night! What a HUGE difference this has made for both of us!

I've noticed that when I am going through something very difficult or stressful, my survival skills take over and I just plow through. I know on some level that I'm having a hard time, but I don't consciously realize just how bad it is until AFTER.

The changes over the past 3 weeks made me realize that Adam and I were both sort of hunkered down in that survival mood these first few months together. Doing what we had to do -- bonding, getting to know each other, adjusting to our new lives together -- and just getting through it. Through the months we've had a lot of fun and a lot of love, but, somehow, there was a difference I can't quite put my finger on.

But there's been a sea change. Everything feels different. Easier. More like we are just "being" with each other, just enjoying and loving each other with no other agenda. Major adjustments are complete and we are just.....a family.

Just chillin' with Nea.....

Honestly, can he GET any cuter?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY BOY!

I couldn't love you more!

Funny boy

Recently, Adam has become enamored of awnings (a true city boy!). He is just fascinated by the awning on the front of our building. As you can see, there is absolutely nothing special about it that you might think would capture a child's attention.

He is interested in awnings on other building, but ours is just the best -- he blows it kisses goodnight when we go inside after walking the dog at night.

The other day we were coming into the building just as some people were coming out. We stopped to let them pass and Adam looked at them, pointed up and screamed "Awning!" as if he could not believe these people were missing such a glorious sight. LOL! Funny boy!

Alert the press....

...Adam slept in his crib, for the first time in months, Saturday night. He also napped in it on Sunday, and slept in it Sunday night. Of course, Mama and Nea are sleeping on the floor next to the crib....but its a start. Right now, I've got the couch cushions on his floor. I figure in a few days, I'll move to the couch itself, then when he gets used to that, perhaps to my own bed!

His sleep was much the same as its been, waking about three times, but the good thing is now when he wakes up kicking and flailing about, Nea and I are out of the line of fire.

Of hives....and not the honeybee kind

One night last week, Adam came home from daycare with a bunch of little bumps on his lower legs that looked suspiciously like insect bites. I immediately went into full panic mode and decided that we had bedbugs, which are becoming more and more prevalent in the NYC area. After spending half an hour surfing the net for information and pictures, it slowly dawned on me that if we indeed had bedbugs, then the dog and I would be bitten up as well since we all sleep in the same bed.

The next morning, Adam was COVERED head to toe with hives -- they were everywhere -- even his scalp. Poor baby! They didn't seem to be too itchy -- the only ones that seemed to bother him were the ones in his armpits (ouch!) and in the folds of his legs. I called daycare to see if he had eaten anything new or unusual the previous day, but they couldn't think of anything.

I called the pediatrician and was told to bring him in as soon as I could. I basically threw clothes on, threw him in the stroller and off we went. I had to laugh later, thinking about what we must have looked like on the street. Adam's hair is very fine, so the back of it is always matted in the mornings. Usually, I wet it and blowdry it, but decided to forego it given the circumstances. So,there we were, me with no makeup, Adam covered in hives with his hair sticking up and out, and crying to beat the band. I'm lucky no one called Child Protective Services on us!

We made it to the doctor by 10 a.m. Adam was none too pleased to be there, as his last experience involved two vaccinations and a blood draw that had to be done three times because his teeny little veins kept collapsing. It was a nightmare, but through his sobs, Adam did blow kisses to the blood technicians as we left.

Now, I don't have much experience with pediatricians, so I'll count on those of you who do to weigh in. Adam's breathing was not compromised in anyway so it wasn't really an emergency so I didn't necessarily expect to get in right away. But....we sat. And sat. And sat. For....are you ready?....TWO HOURS...before we were seen. And I would have to conservatively estimate that Adam cried and screamed for and hour and 50 minutes of that time. I was beside myself. The more time went on, the more he worked himself up. As we sat there we got closer and closer to what should have been nap time, which surely did not help. When we finally were ushered into an examining room, we STILL waited another 20 minutes. By this time, Adam was truly beside himself. In the best of circumstances two hours is a long time to expect a baby to wait nicely. But a baby covered in hives, who's coming up on naptime....well, it was just too much.

Is it me? I don't understand how someone who's life work is children can let a child scream for that long until he nearly makes himself sick. Not to mention how disturbing it was to everyone else in the doctor's office. Am I out of line to think that once at some point sooner than two hours perhaps one of the doctors should have said "Jeez, let me interrupt myself and go take a quick look at this poor kid before he pukes all over himself." I just can't understand how they let him sit there. I'm thinking I need to find a new pediatrician. Is this acceptable treatment? Would you, my readers, change pediatricians over this?

When the doctor did deign to look at him, it was declared to be a "severe reaction to something he ate." But what? Ah, that's the maddening question. Since it was just after Easter and many chocolate bunnies were received, I have a sneaking suspicion that it might have been the chocolate. Being the devoted mother I am, I promptly ate all the chocolate in the house for Adam's protection. The sacrifices we make!

So we will soon have to start on the rounds of allergy testing. Let's hope the allergist has ear plugs.

I don't want to jinx it....

....but I tried a slightly higher dose of melatonin with Adam and the last three nights he has only wakened three times...keep your fingers crossed.

The child is clearly confused....

...so Adam had his first Oreo cookies yesterday. He nibbled around the edge of the cookie for a bit, then took the cookie apart. He handed the half with the creme on it to me, pointed to the creme and said "Bye bye". Once I removed the offending creme, he happily ate the cookie.

As a person who has on occasion taken apart double stuffed Oreos and put two halves together, thus creating quadruple stuffed oreos, this is just beyond comprehension.

A post in which I promise not to whine about Adam's sleeping.....

....except to say that I simply don't understand why he isn't as exhausted as I am. Don't get me wrong, I am thrilled that he is happy and healthy, just a little perplexed.

But happy and healthy he is!

What is it with boys and cars? Adam is completely enthralled with cars and could play happily with them all day. If its a bus, better yet!

Phones of any kind run a close second, and often, cars seem to turn into phones and he will happy chat away into a car. If we are out walking, he just cups a hand to his ear and talks. I'm not sure who he's talking to, though, if asked, he will usually say "Grandma", or what he's saying, but boy does he have a lot to say! His conversations are complete with arm gestures, nodding, facial expressions -- you would swear he was actually on the phone!

Adam is also a music lovin' dancin' fool! He loves Barry Manilow (well, he doesn't really have a choice at this point! LOL!) and is a HUGE Wiggles fan. I have developed a fondness for the Wiggles myself, but the other night, after having watched them 6 or times over two days, I just couldn't bear to watch them again. I put Cher's Farewell Tour DVD and Adam was dazzled! He actually sat next to me on the couch and watched the entire video -- except when we were dancing, of course! LOL!

Anonymous comments revisited

From this point on, all comments not signed will not be published and will not be read. I will delete unread. If it isn't important enough to you to sign your name, it isn't important enough for me (and others) to read.

Can you top this?

In one of the many times Adam awakened over night, he finished a bottle and started to cough. He coughed so hard that he threw up the bottle's contents -- all over the long-suffering dog! LOL! As you can imagine, she was completely traumatized.

We have pictures!

Anonymous comments

Can I please make a request for people making comments anonymously to include their names? Thanks!

Exactly how tired am I?

On Saturday, about the 4th or 5th time Adam woke up overnight, I changed his diaper as it was wet. When we woke up on Sunday morning, both of his legs were in one pajama pant leg! God help me I need sleep! LOL!

Adam and Mama have a playdate tomorrow...

....with Meredith, aka Lawyerish! We can't wait!

The still elusive Mr. Sandman

I'm wondering at what point do you decide that a child's sleep issues are not part of the adjustment to a new home, but are actually sleep problems.

Adam is home almost 5 months and is 22 months old. He is doing amazingly well in almost every area - sleep being the remaining hurdle.

Falling asleep is not his problem - staying asleep is. On a rare "good" night, he awakens 3 times. Usually, its more like 5, and on a very bad night, every hour to every 90 minutes. He definitely wants to be asleep. When he finds himself awake and doesn't fall instantly back to sleep, he seems very frustrated and within about a minute of awakening is into a tantrum of frustration, crying and kicking me in his anger. We are co-sleeping both for the bonding and because I get a tiny bit more sleep with him in the same bed than I would having to actually physically get out of bed and walk to another room five times a night.

He is napping normally at daycare, between 90 minutes and two hours, and usually naps two hours on the weekends.

I am exhausted.

Is this still a normal part of his adjustment, or should I look for help?

A generous spirit!

I just completed refinancing my mortgage and had the closer at my apartment last week. Adam is always interested in new people and was especially intrigued by the big pile of papers Mama was signing. After I pulled my i.d. out of my wallet, I gave the wallet to Adam in hopes of distracting him. I had about $7 in singles, which Adam pulled out one at a time and gave to the closer, who thanked him nicely and put them down on the table next to the big pile of papers. Once he was out of dollar bills, Adam proceeded to pull out every credit card, library card, etc. one at a time and hand them to the closer.

Apparently, by merely thanking him and putting the money and cards down, the closer was NOT getting the point -- Adam then unzipped the man's portfolio and stuffed the money and cards into it and rezipped it! What a generous boy! LOL!

Silly boy!

I broke a toe a few weeks ago, and now everytime I tape it, here's what has to happen:

Sometimes you have a morning....

...where the baby just wakes up in a bad mood. He goes from being sound asleep to a full-fledged tantrum. You struggle to dress a screaming, kicking baby without injury to either of you. He demands to be taken to the kitchen where he rejects each and everything you offer him, yet shrieks upon being removed from the kitchen. Asks for a bottle, rejects it when produced. You try to put him down to finish getting ready for work. This only escalates the tantrum. Finally, you are both ready to head out and walk the dog and then head to daycare when the accumulated force of the baby's continued screaming leads to him vomiting all over himself. And its only 6:55 a.m.

But then, you have a moment -- lying in bed at the end of such a long and wearying day, when the baby reaches out his hand and strokes your check, softly chanting "my mama" repeatedly.....and its worth every minute.

Woo hoo and a big Yee Ha!

Today, for the first day, Adam did not cry when I dropped him off at day care! This is HUGE!

The no good very bad horrible day.....

....was followed by an amazing day. Usually, when I arrive to pick Adam up at daycare, he is either crying or, if he isn't, bursts into tears when he sees me. The teachers assure me he doesn't cry all day, but since he had yet to nap at daycare, he is understandably tired in the late afternoon and once other parents start trickling in to pick up their kids, he gets upset.

Last night, when I arrived, Adam was totally enthralled by and dancing to a Wiggles DVD. When I called to him and he turned and saw me...he smiled! No tears at all! His teacher told me he had napped for an hour and a half for the second day in a row and she exclaimed happily "Now we are seeing the real Adam!" I really hope we've turned a corner here! Keep your fingers crossed!

When he is good, he is very very good.....

....but when he's bad -- whoa! Watch out! After a wonderful string of five days where Adam was a MOST EXCELLENT baby (very few and much shorter tantrums, little to no head banging, great humor and just a whole lot of fun) last night was the no good very bad horrible night. I arrived at daycare at 5:15. I picked him up and he immediately smacked me in the face, ripping my glasses off. Ok, maybe that was the "Hey! I'm mad at you for leaving me here" smack. We take our pleasant 3 minute walk home, stopping to talk to a neighbor for 5 minutes and Adam is all smiles and cuteness again. We get to our building and make it up the steps and inside the first door without incident. I pull out the keys to open the locked inner door and Adam immediately demands the keys. As I need them to open the inner door, the mailbox, and the apartment door, I decline to give them to him. (Mean mama!) He throws himself on the floor, shrieking and banging his head. I gather him up and deposit him in front of the apartment door, while I get the mail, only steps away. He continues his shrieking and head banging. I drag him into the apartment against his will, wrestle his coat off and get him a bottle. He takes two or three swallows and throws the bottle at the dog (with remarkable aim, hitting the poor pup). Clearly angry, I tell him firmly "No throwing". At which point, we're back to shrieking and head banging and hitting me. He retrieves the bottle and drinks for a few minutes then points to the kitchen and we trudge off to see what he wants to eat. He picks a package of frozen mac and cheese with much enthusiasm, yelling for it as if he hadn't eaten in months during the 2 and a half minutes it is in the microwave. He settles into his high chair, takes ONE elbow macaroni, eats it...and refuses another bite! AAAAIIIEEE!!!!!! It was only 5:50 at this point and I was DONE. I haven't had an uninterrupted night's sleep since September. I've only showered alone twice in four months. I'm tired now.

Hopefully, it will be a better day today. When he is good, he really is very, very good.....