"Before we met, I wanted you...Before I found you, I loved you...Before I touched your face, I would die for you...This is the miracle of love."

How Old is Adam?

Lilypie

Monday, December 29, 2008

Monday quote

For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin - real life.But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first,some unfinished business, time still to be served, or a debt to be paid.Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that this was my life.This perspective has helped me to see that there is no way to happiness.Happiness IS the way.- Fr. Alfred D Souza

Saturday, December 13, 2008

A Day Out With Thomas





Except for the fact that it was 28 degrees out, this may have been Adam's most exciting day yet. You should have seen his face when he saw Thomas coming down the tracks!






Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Adoption guilt....not so much

I follow quite a number of adoption blogs regularly and am always following links to other blogs, specific posts, and articles or sites of interest and I've noticed a lot of writing on the subject of guilt on the part of adoptive parents. Guilt about their children losing their birth culture, guilt over the the pain of the birthparents, guilt that their children have lost their birthparents, guilt that their children will have to deal with all the issues surrounded international adoptees, inability to fully enjoy their child's birthday because they feel guilty that the birthmother must be suffering on this date....a whole universe of guilt that I just....don't understand.

Let me first say that I am NOT belittling these feelings or the sincerity and caring of those expressing them. Nor do I intend to minimize these very important issues and their impacts on our children or the losses they have to deal with. But I just cannot relate to them or even understand the guilt.

There are some losses that seem, to me, be balanced by gains. For example, the loss of their birth culture. There is a corresponding gain of an entirely new culture, with new possibilities and opportunities that never would have presented themselves otherwise. I can't see feeling guilty about this. I think this loss can be somewhat mitigated by exposing the children to their birth cultures and keeping it alive for them.

The larger and more primal loss is, of course, that of the birth family. I CERTAINLY feel empathy and even some grief for my son's loss and all that he will have to process.

I have tremendous sympathy and compassion for Adam's birth family and think of them often. He has two living birthparents and older siblings. I can't even imagine what it must be like to be in a position where you are faced with the decision to give up your child. Nor can I imagine spending the rest of my life missing him. But, guilt? Not an ounce or a drop.

In a perfect world, people would never have to make such decisions based on monetary or cultural pressure. But we live in an imperfect world. I truly believe that when his parents made the heartrending, loving decision to place him for adoption, that THIS was the outcome they hoped for. That if they couldn't raise him, that he would find his way to someone who could, who would love him more than life. I'm so glad that someone was me.


Monday, December 8, 2008

Things I've done

I saw this on Midlife Mama's blog and thought it was fun! Things I've done are in yellow
1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland
8. Climbed a mountain

9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped (there's not enough money!)
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15.
Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty

18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort

25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset

31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person

34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo's David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling

52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater

55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching

63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp (no, but I've been to the Robben Island prison in South Africa)
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial

71. Eaten Caviar (there's not enough money! LOL!)
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person

80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous

92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee
100. Read an entire book in one day.

Monday quote

"When we hate our enemies, we give them power over us - power over our sleep, our appetites, and our happiness. They would dance with joy if they knew how much they were hurting us. Our hate is not hurting them at all, but it is turning our own days and nights into a hellish turmoil."

Monday, December 1, 2008

Monday quote

Oh, how much grief this would have saved me over the years had I heard it earlier and been receptive to its message:

"Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option."