Whew!

Choosing a guardian is a daunting task. As a single parent, it is especially important and I wanted to have it in place before I travel to pick up Adam. When I had to name someone as guardian on my agency application, I immediately put one of my brothers and his wife as a sort of "placeholder".

Now that there is a real child and he will be here soon (fingers crossed!) I had to sit and think the whole thing through carefully. I know my brother and sister-in-law would take Adam without hesitation. But there was a lot to consider. Their financial situation. Some very real differences in our politics, world views and ideas on parenting, gender roles, race etc. The specific ways our childhood affected him The fact that they live in Florida. (Apologies in advance to Floridians! I am a New Yorker, heart mind and soul. Florida is just a very different place from New York.) And I realized that while they will be a wonderful aunt and uncle, its not where I want Adam to be if something happens to me.

I have a very dear cousin who immediately came to mind as a potential guardian. She and her husband live about half an hour from me and have similar politics, ethics and attitudes about children and childrearing. I love how they parent their 3 children. I had no doubt they were who I wanted as guardians. But I was so scared to ask them! Its quite a huge thing to ask of someone. And I WAY overthought the whole thing and drove myself crazy. You can't believe how many things I worried about -- Was it the sort of thing you ask in email or is that inappropriate? Should it be in person or would a phone call suffice? Did both she and her husband have to be there or could I ask her and let her discuss it with him? Could I ask in front of her kids?

We were going to a family shower this past weekend -- would it be appropriate to ask in the car? If so, should I ask on the way there, or on the way back? I started to worry that since they were so terrific, many other people must have already asked them and my asking would be just too much - how many kids could they handle? I worried I would put them on the spot and they'd feel obligated to say yes, but wouldn't really want to. LOL! Clearly, I haven't had enough therapy.

I took the train out to her house on Saturday for the trip up to Connecticut and the shower with all these worries running through my head. And after talking to the children for a few minutes, getting the gifts and the hand me down clothing she had for me into the car, there was this one sudden moment where she and I and her husband were alone. I blurted it out and they both answered yes almost before I could finish the question! They were thrilled and so am I!