How Old is Adam?
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
Moving the pity party...
....the pity party is going on the road! Well, not very FAR on the road..actually just downtown. I'm having dinner tonight with three other VN adoptive moms to be, including Meredith from the Dillon List. The timing is nice -- it should distract me from my grinchiness. Its time for me to start building a local support network for when Adam comes home. And its WAY past time for me to have my first experience with Vietnamese food! And perhaps to learn how to say "Oh dear god, please, no fish sauce!" in Vietnamese....
Monday, July 30, 2007
I'm feeling a bit like this guy today...
The high from being told to apply for my Visa has worn off and is being replaced with little dark, Grinchy, uncharitable feelings as others in the Visa group have gotten their G&R dates...and I haven't. I've been waiting two months longer than they have and no G&R for me! So, I'm having a little pity party here in New York City. I think there will be chocolate. A lot of it.
Monday, July 23, 2007
Not Mastercard, not American Express.....
....and not Discover but VISA! VISA! VISA! I got the word to apply for my visa -- for entry starting August 15th! Sorry, I have no other coherent thoughts to share...just VISA! VISA! VISA! WOOOOOHOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
Follow up to a earlier post
Erin from the Dillon list asked me a question about my post regarding the book "Parenting Beyond Belief: On Raising Ethical, Caring Kids Without Religion" and my beliefs in regard to raising Adam. She asked if I would allow him the same freedom to make his own decision, as I have. It was such a good question it warranted revisiting the issue. The answer is yes, I absolutely plan to allow him the freedom to make his own choices when it comes to religion. Interestingly, that is one of the points in the book Parenting Beyond Belief. It suggests you expose the child to all different belief systems and religion very openly, including your own, of course, and if he shows an interest in one, be open to allowing him to develop it. So, that's what I plan to do! I already have a beautiful book of Buddhist Fairy Tales!
On wanting a reader
If the riches of the Indies, or the crowns of all the kingdoms of Europe, were laid at my feet in exchange for my love of reading, I would spurn them all” - Francois Fenelon
I'm of the mindset that half the fun of raising a child is discovering who they turn out to be. To nurture and guide them and provide them with opportunities so that they are secure and happy and able to develop into the person they are meant to be and find their path to a meaningful, happy life. So, I'm not sitting here hoping and planning that Adam will be a doctor or a lawyer (although if he would like to be a professional baseball player, perhaps the first Vietnamese shortstop in New York Mets history...with season tickets for his Mom....)
That being said, oh, how I want him to be a reader. For all the obvious reasons -- and some a little less obvious. Thomas Jefferson said "I cannot live without books" Or chocolate. (Ok, maybe the part about chocolate wasn't Thomas Jefferson .....) And that's exactly how I feel. About books and chocolate.
In a difficult and painful childhood, books were always there. For many years they provided escape and fantasy and fun. How could you be bored when there were books to be read? In the immortal words of Dr. Seuss: The more that you read, the more things you will know. The more that you learn, the more places you'll go.” I want that for Adam.
But, later, they took on a different and even more important role. I started to get the idea that perhaps everyone was not like my family, that there were other ways of being, other types of lives, and that maybe, just maybe, mine could be different as well. That maybe I didn't have to be the person this childhood and this situation was molding me into. What a gift! And books helped me figure out how to attain that different kind of life, to learn out who I really was away from all the drama and pain, the kind of person I wanted to be. And they guided me to the help I needed to do all that hard work.
And now they are helping me prepare to be the best mama to a very special little boy so he can be the best and the happiest that he can be.
Oh, how I hope Adam will be a reader.
I'm of the mindset that half the fun of raising a child is discovering who they turn out to be. To nurture and guide them and provide them with opportunities so that they are secure and happy and able to develop into the person they are meant to be and find their path to a meaningful, happy life. So, I'm not sitting here hoping and planning that Adam will be a doctor or a lawyer (although if he would like to be a professional baseball player, perhaps the first Vietnamese shortstop in New York Mets history...with season tickets for his Mom....)
That being said, oh, how I want him to be a reader. For all the obvious reasons -- and some a little less obvious. Thomas Jefferson said "I cannot live without books" Or chocolate. (Ok, maybe the part about chocolate wasn't Thomas Jefferson .....) And that's exactly how I feel. About books and chocolate.
In a difficult and painful childhood, books were always there. For many years they provided escape and fantasy and fun. How could you be bored when there were books to be read? In the immortal words of Dr. Seuss: The more that you read, the more things you will know. The more that you learn, the more places you'll go.” I want that for Adam.
But, later, they took on a different and even more important role. I started to get the idea that perhaps everyone was not like my family, that there were other ways of being, other types of lives, and that maybe, just maybe, mine could be different as well. That maybe I didn't have to be the person this childhood and this situation was molding me into. What a gift! And books helped me figure out how to attain that different kind of life, to learn out who I really was away from all the drama and pain, the kind of person I wanted to be. And they guided me to the help I needed to do all that hard work.
And now they are helping me prepare to be the best mama to a very special little boy so he can be the best and the happiest that he can be.
Oh, how I hope Adam will be a reader.
Monday, July 2, 2007
Whew!
Choosing a guardian is a daunting task. As a single parent, it is especially important and I wanted to have it in place before I travel to pick up Adam. When I had to name someone as guardian on my agency application, I immediately put one of my brothers and his wife as a sort of "placeholder".
Now that there is a real child and he will be here soon (fingers crossed!) I had to sit and think the whole thing through carefully. I know my brother and sister-in-law would take Adam without hesitation. But there was a lot to consider. Their financial situation. Some very real differences in our politics, world views and ideas on parenting, gender roles, race etc. The specific ways our childhood affected him The fact that they live in Florida. (Apologies in advance to Floridians! I am a New Yorker, heart mind and soul. Florida is just a very different place from New York.) And I realized that while they will be a wonderful aunt and uncle, its not where I want Adam to be if something happens to me.
I have a very dear cousin who immediately came to mind as a potential guardian. She and her husband live about half an hour from me and have similar politics, ethics and attitudes about children and childrearing. I love how they parent their 3 children. I had no doubt they were who I wanted as guardians. But I was so scared to ask them! Its quite a huge thing to ask of someone. And I WAY overthought the whole thing and drove myself crazy. You can't believe how many things I worried about -- Was it the sort of thing you ask in email or is that inappropriate? Should it be in person or would a phone call suffice? Did both she and her husband have to be there or could I ask her and let her discuss it with him? Could I ask in front of her kids?
We were going to a family shower this past weekend -- would it be appropriate to ask in the car? If so, should I ask on the way there, or on the way back? I started to worry that since they were so terrific, many other people must have already asked them and my asking would be just too much - how many kids could they handle? I worried I would put them on the spot and they'd feel obligated to say yes, but wouldn't really want to. LOL! Clearly, I haven't had enough therapy.
I took the train out to her house on Saturday for the trip up to Connecticut and the shower with all these worries running through my head. And after talking to the children for a few minutes, getting the gifts and the hand me down clothing she had for me into the car, there was this one sudden moment where she and I and her husband were alone. I blurted it out and they both answered yes almost before I could finish the question! They were thrilled and so am I!
Now that there is a real child and he will be here soon (fingers crossed!) I had to sit and think the whole thing through carefully. I know my brother and sister-in-law would take Adam without hesitation. But there was a lot to consider. Their financial situation. Some very real differences in our politics, world views and ideas on parenting, gender roles, race etc. The specific ways our childhood affected him The fact that they live in Florida. (Apologies in advance to Floridians! I am a New Yorker, heart mind and soul. Florida is just a very different place from New York.) And I realized that while they will be a wonderful aunt and uncle, its not where I want Adam to be if something happens to me.
I have a very dear cousin who immediately came to mind as a potential guardian. She and her husband live about half an hour from me and have similar politics, ethics and attitudes about children and childrearing. I love how they parent their 3 children. I had no doubt they were who I wanted as guardians. But I was so scared to ask them! Its quite a huge thing to ask of someone. And I WAY overthought the whole thing and drove myself crazy. You can't believe how many things I worried about -- Was it the sort of thing you ask in email or is that inappropriate? Should it be in person or would a phone call suffice? Did both she and her husband have to be there or could I ask her and let her discuss it with him? Could I ask in front of her kids?
We were going to a family shower this past weekend -- would it be appropriate to ask in the car? If so, should I ask on the way there, or on the way back? I started to worry that since they were so terrific, many other people must have already asked them and my asking would be just too much - how many kids could they handle? I worried I would put them on the spot and they'd feel obligated to say yes, but wouldn't really want to. LOL! Clearly, I haven't had enough therapy.
I took the train out to her house on Saturday for the trip up to Connecticut and the shower with all these worries running through my head. And after talking to the children for a few minutes, getting the gifts and the hand me down clothing she had for me into the car, there was this one sudden moment where she and I and her husband were alone. I blurted it out and they both answered yes almost before I could finish the question! They were thrilled and so am I!
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