The no good very bad horrible day.....

....was followed by an amazing day. Usually, when I arrive to pick Adam up at daycare, he is either crying or, if he isn't, bursts into tears when he sees me. The teachers assure me he doesn't cry all day, but since he had yet to nap at daycare, he is understandably tired in the late afternoon and once other parents start trickling in to pick up their kids, he gets upset.

Last night, when I arrived, Adam was totally enthralled by and dancing to a Wiggles DVD. When I called to him and he turned and saw me...he smiled! No tears at all! His teacher told me he had napped for an hour and a half for the second day in a row and she exclaimed happily "Now we are seeing the real Adam!" I really hope we've turned a corner here! Keep your fingers crossed!

When he is good, he is very very good.....

....but when he's bad -- whoa! Watch out! After a wonderful string of five days where Adam was a MOST EXCELLENT baby (very few and much shorter tantrums, little to no head banging, great humor and just a whole lot of fun) last night was the no good very bad horrible night. I arrived at daycare at 5:15. I picked him up and he immediately smacked me in the face, ripping my glasses off. Ok, maybe that was the "Hey! I'm mad at you for leaving me here" smack. We take our pleasant 3 minute walk home, stopping to talk to a neighbor for 5 minutes and Adam is all smiles and cuteness again. We get to our building and make it up the steps and inside the first door without incident. I pull out the keys to open the locked inner door and Adam immediately demands the keys. As I need them to open the inner door, the mailbox, and the apartment door, I decline to give them to him. (Mean mama!) He throws himself on the floor, shrieking and banging his head. I gather him up and deposit him in front of the apartment door, while I get the mail, only steps away. He continues his shrieking and head banging. I drag him into the apartment against his will, wrestle his coat off and get him a bottle. He takes two or three swallows and throws the bottle at the dog (with remarkable aim, hitting the poor pup). Clearly angry, I tell him firmly "No throwing". At which point, we're back to shrieking and head banging and hitting me. He retrieves the bottle and drinks for a few minutes then points to the kitchen and we trudge off to see what he wants to eat. He picks a package of frozen mac and cheese with much enthusiasm, yelling for it as if he hadn't eaten in months during the 2 and a half minutes it is in the microwave. He settles into his high chair, takes ONE elbow macaroni, eats it...and refuses another bite! AAAAIIIEEE!!!!!! It was only 5:50 at this point and I was DONE. I haven't had an uninterrupted night's sleep since September. I've only showered alone twice in four months. I'm tired now.

Hopefully, it will be a better day today. When he is good, he really is very, very good.....

Christmas pictures

Having a snack with cousin Nicky

In the mall in Daytona Beach with Uncle Daniel and cousins Nicky and Ashley just before the infamous one hour mall tantrum

Adam's Elmo stocking

Hey, there's something in here!

Busily swiffer vaccuuming Grandma's house

Playing with a favorite gift in his very cute Christmas outfit

Oh Grandma you're so funny!

Sometimes when I look at Adam....

I think about my life, where I am, and how I got here, all the twists and turns that lead me to this time and place. Then I think about his birth mother and how her path with its own twists and turns led her to have this beautiful boy and make the loving and painful decision to give him up.

I think of our two lives, unfolding 10,000 miles apart, and how each step and choice we made led our paths to cross in the person of "our" son. And my mind is boggled. And grateful. I wish his birth family knew how loved this child is.

If I had it to do over again....

...I might not have traveled to Florida for Christmas this year.

It was a good trip in a lot of ways. Adam actually started to eat "real" food on this trip! Yes, the child ate turkey, mashed potatoes, roast beef, cheese, spaghetti and macaroni and cheese!

He added to his formerly single word vocabulary with ice cream, Elmo, car, up, down, cup, light, Grandma, and Nicky (one of his cousins) and my name now seems to be "mommommom" -LOL -- I guess its hard to stop once you get going with those "moms". He got over his fear of walking on grass -- one look at my brother's swing set and trampoline, daringly located on grass, and there was no looking back!

He got to meet and spend time with his two uncles, his aunt, and his cousins.

He got to see the ocean, which he most assuredly did NOT like. LOL! I carried him to the top of the steps leading down to the beach and he took one look and immediately pointed back the way we had come. I did walk him to the water's edge and his grandfather handed him a shell -- which, of course, got sand on his hands and that was the end of the beach. (Adam intensely dislikes dirt on his hands and runs to me to have the slightest speck of dirt removed post-haste! )

And yet...it was all just too much, too soon after coming home, very stressful. Getting out of our newly established routine caused more stress than I realized. In some ways, Adam was a real trooper and quickly seemed comfortable at grandma's house, but at the same time, had an awful lot of tantrums that week - at least one a day, complete with the very dramatic headbanging.

He threw a doozy of a tantrum in a mall the day we took pictures with Santa. That was a no-good very bad day. I've been sick with bronchitis since the first week of December and was completely exhausted. On our second day in Florida, we met my brother, sister-in-law, nephews and niece in the mall. After the picture was taken, we decided to do some Christmas shopping. My nephews and niece were clamoring for my attention and I was trying to deal with Adam, give the kids some attention and Christmas shop at the same time. As we walked around the mall, I was getting nothing done and starting to panic, thinking I would never have time to do all the shopping when the off the Richter scale tantrum struck out of left field.

We had screaming, kicking, hitting me, ripping my glasses off. What fun! I was very close to my own tantrum. It was his first public tantrum and I was mortified. It was the first time my brother was meeting Adam and I was convinced he would think I was a bad parent. All the stress and exhaustion hit me at once and I was very close to losing it. My mother took Adam, who continued to scream, but didn't hit her. He screamed so loud and so long (he has incredible stamina for screaming) that a man walked up and demanded of my mother "What are you doing to that baby?" Sigh. My mother, being who she is, replied "I'm pinching him." Great, Mom. Thankfully, he didn't sic the mall police on us!

Going back to daycare has been a little hard again -- I guess he thought he was done with that! But I know he'll settle down again. And something happened last night that even though he is having a hard time being away from me, he loves his teacher.

I picked him up and we walked home and got Nea ready and headed back out again to walk her. About a block from home we ran into his teacher. Adam was overjoyed and amazed to see her -- outside! I guess in his mind she exists only in the daycare building because he immediately started pointing out cars and houses and lights to her as if she'd never seen "outside". LOL!

So, even though a mostly good time was had by all, we are home and we are going to be here for quite a while this time.

Adam has a playdate....

...with my cousin's daughter Gracie (and her Grandpa too)

Adam, mama and Gracie

Chilling with Mama

saying good bye to Gracie