Everybody poops

That is, everybody except Adam. Adam's Giving and Receiving Ceremony was on a Monday; he didn't poop for the first time until that Saturday. I thought that perhaps I had checked a box marked "no pooping" on the list of special needs that I would accept in a child. Little did I know that was the norm for him.

He has continued to struggle with pooping. I read up on toddler constipation and did everything that was recommended, including dosing him with fiber. Nothing worked. His pediatrician didn't seem particularly concerned, suggesting dietary changes-- which would be great if he actually ate --and the occasional enema.

For several months, it was necessary to give him an enema about once a week when he became too uncomfortable. What fun that was! And, forgive me for having to share this, but they were MONSTER poops. The biggest I've ever seen!

Recently, he's been able to eventually move his bowels on his own, but it is a long and arduous process for him, days of trying and pushing. In an average walk around the block with the dog, Adam will stop and try to poop 3 or 4 times. It really was becoming an interference in our lives, on top of being just miserable for him.

A few weeks ago, Adam had Coxsackie virus and we went to the pediatrician and, by chance, saw a different doctor in the practice. Just because we were there anyway, I decided to mention the pooping thing to the doctor, who instantly replied "Yes, that is a problem and yes, we can fix it." I wanted to fall to the floor and kiss his feet.

We went back last week for the pooping consultation. When I picked Adam up from the orphanage, he was not eating solid foods,just formula and soup, at the age of 17 months. The doctor said that when a baby progresses normally through the stages of eating, from formula to soft baby foods and then to solid foods, the bowel progresses with it and "learns" how to handle each type of food. Adam skipped straight from liquid to solid and his bowel didn't make the transition correctly and needs to be "retrained". His colon is stretched and not contracting to push the poop out. Adam is getting it out through his own strength and that is why it takes so long and is so difficult for him. He said it will take likely take months, but that we will be successful.

So we are on Step 1 of the Pooping Project -- cleaning him completely out. He is on Miralax for two weeks after which we go back and learn about Step 2.

I'm feeling very relieved and optimistic. I think this process will help in several areas. The doctor said that Adam's poor eating is tied in to this and we should see a change as we progress. That could, in turn, impact his poor sleeping as he drinks easily 3 bottles overnight. I've been reluctant to deny him these bottles as he really doesn't eat much during the day.

The one down side is that the doctor says not to even consider toilet training him until the problem is resolved, but that's a small price to pay -- we've got the power of positive pooping on our side!

Lost and found...and what's next?

I've been pondering on and mulling about and agonizing over Adam's birth family for several weeks now. Contact has been established, pictures exchanged. The searcher I hired found them very quickly, as they are exactly where they were when Adam was born, less than 10 miles from the orphanage, living in the house where Adam was born. Contact has been established, pictures have been exchanged. I'm posting pictures of the house, but not of his family out of respect for their privacy.

So much is going on in my heart and in my head. On the purely positive side, I am delighted and relieved to be able to have this information for Adam. And I am thrilled to have been able to let his birth mother know that he is happy and healthy and oh so loved. I couldn't imagine how she could go through the rest of her life never knowing what had happened to him, especially when it was within my ability to tell her .

Adam is the sixth of 7 children. The oldest is 17 and the youngest just a few months old. One brother suffers from some sort of mental illness, ad his father has serious heart disease. It might sound silly, but am so hurt for Adam that, since his relinquishment, his parents have had another baby, whom they have kept. Perhaps the pain of giving Adam up was something they could not bear to go through again. Perhaps the fact that Vietnam is no longer open to America for adoption colored their decision. But how do you explain to a child that his birth parents kept 6 other children, but not you? Somehow it seemed easier when he was the last child. His mother is only 42 -- she could conceivably (no pun intended) have one -- or a few-- more. It just adds another, difficult layer of complication to his story that he will have to understand and deal with. I think that's going to be so hard for him to understand. On the bright side, if we stay in contact, he can ask them directly himself, rather than just having me speculate about their reasons.

Much to my own surprise, I was absolutely devastated by the circumstances they are living in. I'm not one of these people who doesn't understand the real and desperate poverty a good deal of the world lives in. I have seen it first hand in this country, in South Africa, in Brazil, and during my trip to Vietnam. But this is the first time its about someone who is connected to me. I look at the beautiful faces of his siblings -- seeing Adam's face in theirs, land ache knowing none of them are in school. Its very overwhelming. I really want to help them but have to think through the best way to do so. Is an occasional gift of money the way to go? An amount that might be so small to me could really impact their lives. Or should I send gifts rather than money?

I couldn't bear it if years from know Adam turned to me and said "Mama, we had so much, why didn't we help them?"

Extremely cute appearance notwithstanding....

...Adam is struggling with the move to a new classroom and a new teacher this year. Last year, his entire class moved with him which eased the transition greatly after the first dramatic day. This year, they split his class into three different groups and there are also some 4 year olds in the class.

At the end of the first day, while telling me he didn't want to go back, he wailed dramatically of his new teacher "But I don't LOVE her..." I tried to tell him he had to give her more than one day before he loved her. LOL!

We're almost at the second week, though, and he's still having a hard time. I ask him if he LIKES his teacher, and he says he does. He says she is nice to him, and that he has fun. But he wants to go back to Mrs. Cherry's (last year's teacher)"school". Mrs. Cherry is right next door and his beloved Alfonsa is across the hall, but these things don't seem to be helping him. Its all very much on his mind -- he asked repeatedly over the weekend "No school today?"

Things are a little bit better -- he went from crying himself to sleep and waking up and crying the whole morning right up until the time I dropped him, to not crying until we get to the door of the classroom. I've heard that 3 is a common age for separation anxiety to recur, so I'm hoping this explains some of it. And we've been crazy busy and stressed the last two weeks so that's got to factor in, too. I'm just not sure at what point I decide that it isn't just a normal adjustment period, but that there is a problem somewhere. Maybe the end of the third week? What do you think?