On the horns of a dilemma...

The only problem I have with Adam's daycare-- he completely loves it -- is the fact that they close for the entire month of July. Sigh. This fact gave me pause when I was researching daycare facilities, but the good things about it were so good and the administrator assured me that many of the teachers took kids into their homes in July, that I forged ahead -- July seemed so far off.

Well, its almost upon us. I had high hopes that one of his teachers, whom he loves unreservedly, would take him in July, but it turns out she will be going away for the month. His head teacher (Helen) has told me she would be happy to take him, but she lives in another town only accessible by car -- and I don't have a car. She assured me she knows some of the other teachers live in my neighborhood and that she will ask them for me.

However.....its recently become very clear to me that Adam's routine is very important to him. Helen broke a toe and has been out since Thursday. Usually, she comes in at 7:30, and one of the assistant teachers (Elizabeth) arrives at 8. The center opens at 7 and several of his classmates arrive before Helen. They go into the classroom next door and await her arrival.

On Friday, when I realized Helen wasn't coming in, I attempted to leave Adam in the other classroom. His reaction was pure fear and hysteria. He is so rarely afraid -- usually if he cries, its because he's angry or frustrated. He clung to me and sobbed hysterically. I was shocked as he knows all these teachers and most of the kids. Since it was my "go to the mall and see Indiana Jones day", I didn't have to hurry so I waited with him until the Elizabeth arrived at 8. He clung to me the entire time, which is very unusual for him. He's an affectionate child, but not clingy and cuddly. When Elizabeth arrived, he ran off my lap and into her arms, crying.

Yesterday, it was the same scene, so I waited with him again until 8, making me 45 minutes late for work. About halfway through the half hour wait he indicated he wanted to go to the other classroom and we walked down the hall, but he burst into tears at the sight of the teachers and we returned to our wait.

Last night, I talked to him and explained that if Helen wasn't there when we got there today, he was going to wait in the other class and Elizabeth would come and get him. I find that if he knows what's expected of him and what is going to happen, 8 out of 10 times he accepts it. This, however, was not one of those times. His hysteria was such that I just couldn't leave him. He is much more upset by this change than he was when he first started daycare.

It became clear to me just how attached he is to the routine when I picked him up last night. Usually, he comes to the door and I pick him up and greet him and the teacher gets his jacket and brings it to us. The weather was warm and muggy for the first time yesterday so he hadn't worn a jacket. When he realized no jacket was forthcoming, he burst into tears. Later, when we walked the dog, he insisted on wearing his jacket and even wore it over his pajamas until bedtime. Sigh.

I'm thinking maybe I just can't leave him for a month with a teacher he's not familiar with. I've mulled over taking two weeks off in July and then taking the rest of the month as unpaid leave. It would be hard, financially, but I could do it. I've considered renting a car for the month and driving him to Helen's house every day. This would be costly as well, but not as costly as unpaid leave. And he would definitely be comfortable with her.

I'm going on the assumption that this is an adoption related issue --that his security is tied to his routine. I worry that he needs to learn to be adaptable and flexible. I don't want to feed into this issue and make it a bigger problem. My instincts are telling me to stay with him until Elizabeth arrives, to suck it up and rent the car so he can be comfortable with Helen, that I'm expecting too much of him. Does he need to learn this lesson about flexibility and adapting now, or is next July a more appropriate time? Is it too soon for me to worry about this? He's only home 8 months. What do the experienced adoptive parents think?

We interrupt this blog for a brief photo interlude

Just a nice smile for the camera - handsome boy!

Silly boy laying in a storage bin, drinking a bottle with his drum and watching the Wiggles

Learning to multitask - Adam loves to look at himself in the mirror. By inserting the DVD over the nipple, he can drink his bottle AND look at himself at the same time. LOL!

Mama has a playdate!

By herself! Hmmm....that doesn't sound right....let me explain. My office closes at 2 p.m. on Friday for the holiday weekend. I don't have to pick Adam up from daycare until about 5:15. I initially thought I would hit the mall with my free time. As I'm sure you all know, its next to impossible to try on clothes with a two year old in tow, so shopping for clothing for myself has been limited to one or two stores within walking distance of my office. But then I realized that the new Indiana Jones movie opens tomorrow and if I didn't see it Friday, I would have to wait until it comes out on DVD many months from now. I waffled for a day or two....Harrison Ford? Or new underwear?

And then it hit me! For the mere price of half a vacation day, I could have BOTH! Omigod! Shopping AND a movie! The last time I was in a mall....hmmm....November. I can't tell you the last movie I saw in a theater.

I have taken the occasional day off here and there while Adam is in daycare, but they've been either to catch up on sleep or get things done around the house that have backed up. This is the first time its just for FUN. I can't wait!

I haven't yet left Adam with a babysitter (other than daycare) for two reasons. We are apart nine hours a day during the week. I felt that was more than enough time, especially as our relationship was just developing. And Adam was also clearly NOT ready to be left. I'm still not sure he is completely ready, but he's closer than he's been. He's healthily attached and becoming secure in his new world. He's VERY social and outgoing. He has a little trouble with change -- on the few occasions where we've arrived at daycare to find his head teacher will be late and a backup waiting to greet him, he has been very upset and once cried until he threw up. So, I'm not sure he's ready. But Mama's ready to start thinking about an occasional movie or dinner out.

I'm going to start searching for babysitters and perhaps leaving him for an hour or two on a weekend afternoon and see how it goes.

I'm coming Indy!

Boys!

Yesterday, after I plucked Adam off the coffee table for about the 3 zillionth time, he finally fell. He landed safely on his back on the carpeted floor, no bumps or bruises, just a little scared. As he was crying in my arms and after I comforted him a bit, I said "Now see -- that's why I tell you not to climb on the table. You can get hurt. Are you going to stay off the table now?"

Still crying and sobbing, he emphatically shook his head "no!" LOL! Boys!

The neurologist who actually examined Adam...

We went to the pediatric neurologist yesterday. The neurologist was very thorough and spent a lot of time with us. Her opinion is he does not need the EEG -- with febrile seizures, the abnormal brain activity occurs during the seizure -- so doing an eeg now would be pointless. She also thought he doesn't need to be on the Phenobarbital -- she said it was unnecessary for him to be so heavily medicated all the time for something that might never happen again, or that could happen once a year. If the seizures recur with frequency, we can revisit that.

Basically, its just fever related, he'll outgrow it, and what I have to do is monitor him very closely for fever. Once he's at 101, its a problem. She gave me a prescription for a suppository (that ought to > be fun) that I am to give him to lower his fever once it reaches this point if Tylenol or Motrin doesn't bring it down quickly. So, it will be a little nervewracking, but it seems to not be as serious as it could have been.

He's fine. Me -- not so much! LOL!

Thanks to all for their support!

So this was our weekend...

...a very very bad weekend. At about 3 p.m. on Saturday afternoon , I noticed Adam was warm and took his temperature -- to my shock it was 103.7! He had no other symptoms and was behaving completely normally. I gave him some tylenol and watched him. At 4:30, his temperature was unchanged, so I gave him a little more Tylenol. About an hour later, he had a seizure. If you've never seen one, a seizure, especially in a baby, is a terribly scary thing! It seemed as if it went on for hours, but it was probably 30-45 seconds long. I put him in a cool bath to try and bring his temp down, called the pediatrician, jumped in a cab and went to the nearest emergency room.

Fortunately for us, it was a slow night -- only two people were waiting when we arrived. Adam seemed fine, was talking and very interested in everything in the room. They took us into triage right away, gave him Motrin (his temp was now 104.4!) and sent us back to the emergency room to await our turn. Five minutes later he had another seizure, allowing us to jump the line and rush right in.

It was completely surreal to be running down a hospital corridor with my convulsing son in my arms. At the risk of sounding overly dramatic, he looked so little on the emergency room stretcher.

Apparently, with febrile (fever-related) seizures, it is unusual to have more than one. The second seizure, coupled with the fact that I couldn't tell them with 100% certainty that he'd never had a seizure before, led them to admit him and plan a battery of tests. (The child in the next curtain area in the emergency room is in the same daycare class as Adam. Marcello was also admitted so he and Adam were roommates. )

He received a chest xray and blood drawn in the emergency room and once we got up to a room, they put Adam on IV fluids and antibiotics, with a CAT scan and an EEG to be scheduled. He flat out refused to go into the scary cagelike crib, so we spent the night trying to sleep as best we could in an uncomfortable hard leather recliner in the room.

The CAT scan was scheduled for Sunday, but there was no one in the hospital on a weekend who could do an EEG. Being strapped down and having your head immobilized when you don't understand what is happening must be terrifying. Once the scan started, however, and lights started flashing, he was fascinated and all crying and struggling ceased.

Once Adam went down for a nap on Sunday, I realized I needed to go home to my poor long-suffering dog and feed and walk her -- we ran out of the house for the hospital and had been gone 17 hours at this point. As I prepared to leave, I had the sudden realization that I er... didn't exactly know where I was. I've never been hospitalized in the city where we live and didn't know really know where the nearest hospital was. The pediatrician gave me the name of the hospital on the phone, we jumped in a cab and off we went. It was dark. I was a little distracted! LOL! I had no idea if, when I exited the hospital, it would be easy to hail a cab. The security guard at the front desk took pity on me -- after eyeballing me a little warily -- and called me a cab. Let me just say here that my dog is the BEST dog in the world -- with a bladder of steel. She had not gone to the bathroom in the house while we were gone. I took a quick shower, fed and walked her and took a cab back to the hospital.

Being in the hospital is stressful and boring enough as an adult, but impossible for a two-year old! There was a little playroom on the floor, but their choices of toys was questionable for a hospital. There was a small ride-on wooden horse with wheels, and an Elmo lawnmower. Picture two parents, running down the hospital hallway wheeling IV poles trying to keep up with the two two-year olds so they don't pull their IVs out!

I have to give Adam credit -- he was a trouper 90% of the time. Except for blood draws, he was a suprisingly cooperative and charming patient. He spent a lot of time hanging out with and entertaining the nurses. He and Marcello played nicely most of the time...a few skirmishes over toys here and there, but nothing out of the ordinary.

The neurologist showed up for the consult at 11 p.m Sunday night. 11 p.m.! And he was....hmmm....how shall I say it? A character? No, that's not quite it....perhaps I'll use a term used by several of the nurses -- a wacko. At 11 p.m., he stood in the hall outside our room and bellowed "Room 406! What is your name?" Mind you, we were sound asleep in our uncomfortable chair at the time. I roused myself and responded and he burst in the room, turned on the lights, dragged up a chair, and the consult started. As he explained, his "style" was not to just ask questions, but to have an entire conversation about many things, from which he would discern the information he needed. Sigh. I was too tired to argue, and felt desperately in need of his diagnosis, so we talked about my beautiful skin and how he couldn't believe I was 49; how when I change Adam's diaper I shouldn't use diaper wipes, but should hold him under running water (give me strength); how surprised he was that the Vietnamese would allow the "imperialists" to adopt their children and on and on.... (And how lovely for the other sleeping family to have to listen to this whole production in the middle of the night.)

Finally, he said that Adam has what is called Complex Febrile Seizures. He put him on phenobarbitol and said he thinks he should be on it for two years and that children generally outgrow these seizures by 5 or so. (The ER physician had told me if you have to have seizures, these are the "best" kind to have as they are not neurological in nature and don't indicate a deeper problem.)

By the time the neurologist left (one of the nurses said I should be glad he didn't show up at 2 a.m. as he sometimes does!) Adam had fallen back asleep and they didn't want to wake him for the phenobarbitol, so gave it to him when he woke up again around two a.m. The nurse told me the EEG was scheduled for 11 a.m. so I should wake Adam up at 5 a.m. (!) so he would be tired by 11 as he needed to be asleep for the test. Sigh. How can they possibly expect a child would sleep through such a thing?

I refused to wake him up at 5 as he was so exhausted and knocked out from the medication. I finally woke him around 6:30. The EEG technician showed up at 8 a.m.! ARGH! She said she'd try again around 11a.m. The nurse gave Adam his medication accordingly, and called the EEG technician when he fell asleep around 10:45. And called again when she didn't show. And again. What time did she come? 12:30. An EEG requires a large number of electrodes to be attached to the head and she spent about 20 minutes attaching half of them when....of course...he woke up. And that was the end of that. She said she'd try again at 2, but I told her that was ridiculous, that there was no way he'd be asleep again at 2. Very frustrating!

At this point, the EEG was all we were waiting for and I really couldn't see spending another night in the hospital on the chance that he would be -- and stay -- asleep for the test.

The nurses, who were beyond excellent, told me that this hospital's pediatric unit was very small and only had a limited number of equipment. She said there is another EEG machine that does not require children to be asleep but they do not have it. She recommended we get it done elsewhere on an out patient basis. Adam was discharged about 3 p.m. Monday. I kept him home Tuesday, just because I was a nervous mama, and he very happily went back to daycare on Wednesday.

Turns out his pediatrician has a pediatric neurologist in their practice, so we are going in for a followup tomorrow and to schedule the EEG.

Do I get to have my nervous breakdown now?