So, I'm having a bad week....

....and it did not help this morning when, while out walking the dog with Adam, a man down the block asked if he was my GRANDSON! AAIIIIEEEE!!!! I comforted myself with the observation that the man was elderly, that his eyesight must be failing in his old age, and perhaps he was drunk. However, late this afternoon, while at a playground, I got the same question from a young mother. An elaborate Halloween joke, perhaps? Sigh.

Speaking of people just babbling freely when they should clearly just keep their thoughts to themselves, yesterday at the mall, a woman asked me how old Adam is. When I replied that he is 18 months old, she looked horrified and started carrying on "Well, he's much too small for his age! He should be much bigger than that!" I really really can't stand it.

So, I seem to have hit some sort of wall emotionally here, much to my own surprise. I'm suddenly having a very hard time. Adam is beautiful, healthy, smart as a whip, and hilariously funny and I can't believe I'm lucky enough that he is mine. But he is NOT what one would call an "easy" baby. And I'm feeling badly that I'm ...well...feeling badly. I'm tired and cranky and impatient, though, with extreme effort and deep breathing, I don't let the impatience surface in front of Adam. I'm pretty sure that most of this is normal and understand where a lot of it is coming from.

People don't talk about it often, but a lot of being home with a child is....gasp....boring. There is also a lot of fun and so many sweet moments, but I do find myself....bored....some of the time. I'm definitely not used to being home like this. I'm used to getting out to work and talking to adults every day. So that's a part of it.

Another part of it is Adam is at a challenging age -- moving into the terrible twos. I was thinking about it and while I imagine this is a tough time for any parent, if your child is with you from birth or adopted at a younger age, you have this relationship built up already and know the child as he/she moves through these stages. Adam and I were sort of thrust into this stage together. I can see down the road and think that once he can speak, that will alleviate some of the frustration we are both clearly feeling.

After a brief, joyous period of sleeping 12 uninterrupted hours, he's now waking up several times during the night. When he can't fall back asleep immediately, he gets so frustrated and angry. So you can add in sleep deprivation as a contributing factor to my mood.

He does have quite a temper and I've got to say that, when he's tired, he's a mean baby! LOL! He hits when he's tired and you say the dreaded "no" word.

On the bright side, I can see how much he's changed and how far he's come in the short time since we've been home. He understands absolutely everything that is said to him. Yesterday, around nap time, I asked him if he wanted to lay down and he nodded and turned and walked into the bedroom! I was stunned and impressed!

He's become soooo much more social and outgoing. I think his attachment is just about perfect. He's secure enough to be friendly, yet looks to me as sort of "home base". I noticed he has just about stopped most of the orphanage acquired self-soothing behaviors, like rocking on all fours when upset, and whipping his head violently back and forth to fall asleep -- turning, instead, to me for comfort.

I'm also frustrated with bureaucracy and paperwork -- we had an appointment Monday with the pediatrician. I had explained to them on the phone that Adam was adopted and just home from Vietnam. They advised me to bring any health information and vaccination records I had. When we got there, they asked for his adoption papers. Huh? Why would I have brought his adoption papers? "Well, how do we know you REALLY adopted him?" Sigh. Well, I would have been happy to bring them had anyone TOLD me to. It didn't matter in the long run, because it turned out that my insurance company STILL hasn't added him to my policy! I'm supposed to go back to work the Monday after Thanksgiving and I'm worried now that I won't be able to get his vaccinations in time to gently ease him into day care.

I told you I was having a bad week.

All Hail the Sandman.....

...after a very long detour from Vietnam, the sandman has finally arrived in our home -- as of Monday, Adam is sleeping -- wait for it -- 12 hours a night! He's going down between 6 and 7 p.m. and is good until at least 6 a.m. I can't decide what has made the bigger difference -- accepting the stroller or actually functioning in this time zone! Both of them have made us both very happy.

Adam learned two new things this week -- he suddenly knows that vehemently shaking his head means "no". And he has learned how to wave. He waves at every person we pass -- often starting to wave half a block away from the person he is targeting. And woe to the person who doesn't wave back! He yells at them until they do!

Today Adam decided he wanted to go for a "real" walk - sans stroller. He astounded me by walking to the end of our block and back, then back to the end of the block, then completely around the block! People were laughing at this tiny little thing so seriously walking by himself! Clearly my worrying about his diet is just silly.

Progess and baby steps

A million thank yous to the people who suggested adding rice cereal to the nighttime bottle! The first night I tried it, Adam slept from 6:30 until midnight, then 2 a.m. until 6:15 am. A HUGE difference. Last night he slept from midnight to 7 a.m.

We went on our first outing yesterday -- a friend who lives in Myrtle Beach was in Atlantic City for a few days so I rented a car and headed down for the day. After screaming bloody murder the entire way home from the airport in the car seat, I wasn't expecting a pleasant trip, but the boy surprised me. We had a little fussing for the first 10 minutes in the car seat, then he settled in and alternated sleeping and looking out the window for the rest of the two and a half hour drive. He did protest loudly the last 15 minutes or so of the trip, but I can't blame him for that! He'd been so patient and had finally had enough. He loved walking on the boardwalk and we had a lot of fun.


I was talking to my friend and another friend of hers about my concern about Adam's eating habits and her friend said something that made a lot of sense to me. Since all he was having in the orphanage was formula and soup, I can't expect him to eat like an 18 month old -- but rather like a much younger baby just adding solids to his diet. It was like the proverbial light going off in my head. So I'm going to relax a bit about it.

More stories from Vietnam

It wasn't until about the 4th day we were together that Adam revealed a big secret to me -- that he can walk! I'm not exactly sure why it was such a secret, but it was! He can also walk backwards, and much better than he walks frontwards! He finds the walking backwards hilarious and laughs the whole time he does it. Interestingly, the whole time we spent in Vietnam with the other families, he never walked in front of any of them. Apparently, that was classified information.

Even as he warmed up to me, Adam was pretty standoffish with the other families in the beginning. The exception was his best buddy in Vietnam, Brian. Brian and Ellen adopted 7 month old Owen from Can Tho. Adam adored him. Would constantly call out to him, and exchange silly faces. But didn't walk in front of him until near the end of our time in Hanoi.

The process in Vietnam was pretty flawless --- kudos to the Dillon staff. We only had one minor hitch on flying to Hanoi. It was a very long and hot day and the flight was a nightmare. Adam screamed the ENTIRE flight. And I do mean the ENTIRE flight. Have I mentioned that Adam has incredible stamina for screaming? He is all focus - trying to distract him only makes him madder. He's quite a character. I keep telling myself these are all good qualities that will stand him in good stead later in life.One of the wonderful things about the people of Vietnam is that in a situation like that, they ALL want to help. No one is mumbling and cursing under their breath. They reach out and try to help you calm the baby. I even had a man offer me healing oils to rub on Adam. This was the first and only point in the trip where I was struck buy the thought "Omigod, what have I done? How am I ever going to get this baby home if he can't take a flight of less than two hours?"

The Hanoi airport is another 90 minutes to 2 hours from the airport, so by the time we got to the Somerset Grand, everyone was really wiped out. We sat and sat and sat in the lobby for almost an hour until we were told there had been a mixup and the Somerset didn't have our reservations and we would be going to a nearby hotel for the night and returning to the Somerset the next day. So, all the bags got loaded back onto the bus, cranky and tired children were rounded up and we went. In the grand scheme of things, if you've got to have a screwup, this is the one to have. Easily handled, easily remedied.

On our return to the Somerset the next morning, we were all a touch giddy at the size of our rooms -- Adam and I had a livingroom, dining room, kitchen (complete with washing machine), two bedrooms and two bathrooms. Floor to ceiling windows in the living room with spectacular views of Hanoi. Pool, tennis courts, restaurants, children's playroom....well, here was the solution to the problem of the long flight home -- we would just stay here and live in the Somerset!

Hanoi retains a lot of the old French charm and is full of trees. Its also full of construction and business is booming. For all the old world charm, it felt much more European and modern than Ho Chi Minh City, and I have to confess I liked Ho Chi Minh City better. The people in Hanoi were polite and helpful, but somehow not as warm as in HCMC. I didn't see much of Hanoi, unfortunately. We did go to the waterpuppet show, which, with the except of actually getting Adam, was my favorite part of the trip. Don't miss it. Across the street from the waterpuppet theater is a beautiful lake with a temple in the middle that we visited after the show. Just lovely and peaceful.

The holy grail of Hanoi was the visa interview, scheduled for Thursday. (We had arrived in Hanoi on Monday and had hoped the Embassy could squeeze us in Tuesday as they were not working Wednesday that week, but it didn't work out. Everyone was so nervous about the Visa interview and we all toted accordion folders and files of birth certificates, tax returns, I171h's, etc. - basically every piece of paper we had accumulated along the adoption trail. We headed off to the Embassy, cleared security, and were herded into a room that could have been my local Department of Motor Vehicles. Why is it the American government offices are so gloomy and lacking in any sort of charm or decor? After a few moments, my name was called and I headed to the window. For those of waiting to travel, here was the visa interview in its totality -- Official: "Do you swear everything on this paper is true?" Me: "Yes" Official: "Sign here. You can pick up your visa at 4 tomorrow." Huh? That's it? Yep, that was it.

Of course, there was one little glitch yet to come -- on picking up the visa I noticed they had transposed the month and date of Adam's birth and rather than April 10, had it as October 4. I almost fainted. After briefly considering letting it go in hopes no one would notice, and worried that, as it was 4 pm on Friday that I would never get the visa back in time to head home that weekend, I reluctantly brought the visa back to the window. Twenty minutes later, I had the new visa. Thanks to Chuck, Cindy and Rhett for waiting with me. The scramble to change return tickets was now on.

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Advice request - sleeping and eating problems

Ok, so I know we've only been home a little over two weeks, but the sleeping thing is still really messed up. Adam went from sleeping 12 hours a night religiously in Vietnam to sleeping in 3-4 hour spurts here. I'm just not clear on how to get him onto a good schedule in the right time zone! Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

His eating habits have also changed. While in Vietnam, he would happily try any baby food offered and liked 99% of it. Since we came home, he's been more dependent on the bottle (I'm guessing its a comfort thing?) and less open to baby foods. He's basically eating only yo baby yogurt with cereal and fruit, and some of the fruity baby foods. He's been refusing anything with meat or vegetables in it. I did notice that the baby food in Vietnam had a much milder smell than the U.S. baby food and wondered if that could be part of it. Has anyone else had a similar experience?

Miracle of miracles...

....the quality of my life improved vastly yesterday -- Adam suddenly decided that not only did he not hate and loathe the stroller, he decided that he loves it! For those of us who live in urban areas and are dependent upon public transportation, the stroller is the equivalent of a car. It is freedom! There is only so far you can go and so much you can do lugging an 18 pound baby in a hip hammock! Woo hoo! Now, if only we can conquer the sleeping thing....baby steps!

Two pictures while the computer is behaving....

Quick! The blog is working...

...and I'm going to try to sneak in another post while I have the chance. Here is a picture of the whole happy family -- well, Nea might not be too happy. Adam really likes her, but gets frustrated with her. He keeps trying to offer her toys and then gets frustrated when she doesn't accept them. LOL! She's pretty good at staying out of his way !

First, I want to offer some advice for the soon to travel, some advice that has been offered again and again and I didn't listen to it myself -- don't take so much stuff! You really really can get anything (except Dr Pepper) in Vietnam. I took way too much stuff and as a result had very little room for souvenirs. I didn't even use half the stuff I took. You can get by with a couple of pairs of shorts and capris and t-shirts, maybe one more dressy outfit. Having your laundry done at the Kim Do, should you stay there, is a treat not to be missed. My clothing looked better when it came back from the laundry than it did when I bought it!

After our rough first days, Adam started to warm up nicely and we could go out amongst civilized people again. Through the rough days, the bright spot was he consistently slept 12 hours a night. And he was willing to taste any baby food I offered and liked everything, with the exception of oreos! More for mama! He's been a little pickier since we got home, sticking mostly to fruits and yogurt with rice cereal mixed in. I noticed that the baby foods here have a stronger smell and taste than what I was able to buy in Vietnam. That might be part of it.

Note on formula: I tried to switch Adam from the Vietnamese formula to Similac when we got home and he reacted as if I'd switched him to liquid cocaine -- he was happy as can be, but zipping around the apartment like he was in a pinball machine! I experimented by taking him off and putting him back on and get the same response. Given his age, and the fact that the Vietnamese formula was basically powdered milk, I switched him to whole milk and he seems to be doing well.

I'm sorry that I didn't see as much of Ho Chi Minh City I wanted to, but it was harder than I'd thought it would be with a baby. Especially with a baby who viewed a stroller as an ancient Vietnamese torture device. The hip hammock is great for carrying him, but the heat, especially lugging an 18 pound load, was almost unbearable so all our jaunts were pretty short.

We did make it to the zoo in Ho Chi Minh City. The grounds, landscaping and the buildings were absolutely gorgeous and there was a nice variety of animals. Unfortunately, to conditions of the animals cages was poor and way behind anything we have here in the US. Still, worth the trip. Go in the morning before the heat is at its worst.

Adam I celebrated my birthday with another Vinh Long baby, Phung, who turned three the day day before my birthday. His parents graciously added my name to his yummy cake and we had a little party in the restaurant at the Kim Do.

The rest of our time in Ho Chi Minh city was spent bonding, hanging out with the other families and going off to various interviews -- all of which Adam screamed through The doctor at the medical exam told me he had good lungs! LOL! In his visa picture, he is, you guessed it, screaming. The doctor burst out laughing when he saw it and called over other staff to look at it and then point to the screaming Adam and they all laughed.

He's definitely a boy who likes to be on the go! As long as you have him in the hip hammock and are walking, he's fine and happy. Stop, and he screams. Whenever we were in a car or minvan, he was happy as a lark while the car was moving. Stop signs? Traffic lights? He protested mightily.

I can't praise the Kim Do highly enough. It is simply the most gracious hotel I have ever been in. The staff goes far above and beyond what you would expect to keep you happy and comfortable. The general manager even sent me a beautiful basket of flowers on my birthday! I can't say enough good things about them.

What everyone says about the Vietnamese is absolutely true, they LOVE babies and are very vocal and physical about it. I was scolded no less than six times in about an hour one day because Adam didn't have a hat on. Since I didn't know how to say "The only way he will keep a hat on would be if I super glued it to his head" in Vietnamese, I simply humbly accepted my scolding and moved on.