Calvin's got nothing on a raging, tantrumming Adam.

Adam has always had a bad temper. Combined with an iron will and amazing focus, he has been a formidable foe. He also has some control issues. His behavior had been steadily improving as he's gotten older. The tantrums were becoming less in number, the intensity and duration were lessening. He was understanding more and more, he was grasping the concept of patience and that "yes, but not now" still meant yes and his increasing emotional maturity was clear.

In the last two months or so, however, he has been very much on edge. Every "no" or "not now" results in either tears or a tantrum. The slightest flash of anger has him throwing things and trying to scratch or hit me. Defiance is creeping into our world. Its hard to know, sometimes, what's a "normal" tantrum or age related behavior and what is adoption related or something that requires professional attention.

His more recent meltdowns and tantrums are the kind where he gets himself so worked up that he cannot control himself or stop. A few weeks ago in the middle of a meltdown that he couldn't stop he said to me "This crying is giving me a hard time." So he knows he can't control himself and it is frustrating him as well.

While we were in Las Vegas, Adam had two major tantrums that gave me pause. Lucky me, both were in public and both were in locations I could not remove him from. Oh, the very best kind of tantrums! The kind that make you want to die from embarrassment.

Disclaimer: On the whole, Adam was a trooper in Las Vegas. We did not bring a stroller and he gamely walked everywhere every day. He generally doesn't do well when he is taken out of his routine. And he was tired as he didn't nap the whole time we were there.

The first was on a bus on the way back from Hoover Dam. I have to honestly say that whatever it was that set him off was so inconsequential that I don't even remember what it was. But, whatever it was, it led to a good 20 minutes of screaming, shrieking, hitting, scratching and attempting to throw anything he could get his hands on. (And my refusal to allow him to get his hands on anything to throw just made matters worse.) He resorted to ripping the plastic hard hat he got on the tour clean in half.

The second of the two was by far the worst tantrum he's had in his life. And it happened in the worst possible place for a tantrum -- on a plane. This time, there was definitely a clear reason -- young Prince Adam did not WISH to "remain seated with his seatbelt fastened for the remainder of the flight." Thus ensued 45 minutes of a mindblowing tantrum that left me bruised and frustrated and emotionally drained. The level of his rage was overwhelming. I didn't know what to do. I initially tried simply holding the buckle of the seat belt closed, thinking he would give up (HA!). That didn't last for long as Adam was in a middle seat and I was on the aisle and I couldn't allow his flailing and kicking to touch the person in the window seat. I took him on my lap, at which point he decided he wanted to stand in the aisle, which was simply not going to happen. He kicked, he screamed as if he were being murdered, he scratched, he fought me. He tried to rip the tray table off the back of the seat in front of him so he could throw it. I was pretty helpless. All I could do was try to physically contain him so that the only one he hurt was...well...me. Had there been a parachute handy, I would have happily jumped. When we got off the plane a million years later, he was still carrying on, so I saw down in the gate area and told him we weren't going to leave until he calmed down. He carried on for about 10 minutes more, then got up and stalked over to a seat about 20 seats away from me and sat there glaring at me for another 15 minutes or so until he was ready to leave.

I was so shaken and drained by the experience I called in sick the next day and just recuperated at home alone with the pup. I have been around a LOT of children in my life. I babysat for many years as an adult and have known intimately some very difficult and challenging kids. I have NEVER seen this sort of anger in a child. And I am at a loss as to how to handle it.

Complicating the situation are my own issues with anger. I have a very hard time with it. I come from a very angry family. Paradoxically, I wasn't "allowed" to express anger or even to feel it. Because of this, I have made a strong effort with Adam not to shame him or deny him the right to his own feelings. I have consistently told him it is perfectly fine to BE angry, but he can't throw or hit or scratch BECAUSE he's angry. It's not the emotion that's a problem, its the behavior. I've told him that he can stamp his feet and yell "I'm angry!" I've tried making attempts to calm and reason with him when he's angry. I've tried ignoring it and walking away. I've tried being firm and authoritative with him. Absolutely nothing makes a difference Weren't these things -- the right things -- supposed to work?

Disturbingly, I'm finding myself getting very angry with Adam. And I don't know what to do with the anger either. So, whether its something adoption related, something age related, or just something Adam-related, we need help. In a calmer moment I talked to Adam and told him I think we needed to talk to someone about "our" anger and he agreed.

He's so verbal that if the problem is something he is aware of consciously, I have no doubt he will be able to talk about it. I think he will love the attention of a therapist and the conversation. If its something he's not consciously aware of, I'm confident the therapist will be able to figure it out.

For those of you who are fans of Everybody Loves Raymond, We are NOT going to be "The Angry Family"...