I'm struggling a bit with how much information is appropriate to present to Adam at this time about his birth family/adoption, etc. Right now, what he knows is that he was born in Vietnam and that I took a plane to go and get him and bring him home. Recently, I added to his knowledge the fact that he has family in Vietnam and that we can visit them someday when he is older if he likes. But I haven't been very explicit about who this family is. So, I'm wondering -- is this enough information for him at his age? I have pictures I could show him. Should I tell him these are his parents and siblings? (Not to take anything away from his rather large extended imaginary family, which includes his "other mother", his child, his brothers, his husband (LOL)and his sisters -- who are the only ones who seem to have names -- Caneena Ootz and Caneena Aatz).
Is this too much information right now? I know the right thing to do -- its the timing and the details that are hard.
How Old is Adam?
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4 comments:
I personally think the information you provided is perfect for this age, adding more as he seems to have the ability to understand more. Our daughter is a little younger and has a hard time even understanding the basics of her background now. She seems to get confused on why we weren't always together. It's a lot to understand.
I don't have strong opinions or much experience, but I will say that if it were Loston, I would show him the pictures. Since we adopted Lorna domestically, we met her birthmom, were in the delivery room, and he has a face to go with the name. Sometimes when I talk to him about HIS birthmom, it's almost like... he doesn't get it. I've tried to compare the two ("Remember how Lorna was in C's tummy, so C is her birthmom, and I'm her forever mom? Well, you were in L's tummy and she is your birthmom and I'm your forever mom."), but it still seems like all I get is a blank stare. On the other hand, maybe that's just his way of "not dealing with it" right now. On the other other hand, we don't have alot of info on Lorna's biodad, so maybe that's just some of the baggage they'll both have to deal with as adopted kids. I know that probably doesn't help alot, but just thought I'd throw it out there.
I would let him take the lead on this. You've already set the stage very nicely for his future questions (i.e. the fact that he has family in Vietnam). Do you look at pictures of your trip with him once and awhile? If you do that periodically, he will know it's fine to discuss more details with you. At some point when he's ready he will most likely ask you about his family in Vietnam, and then you can introduce more info (pics of family members, etc.). I think what you've already told him is plenty for his age and level of development. His questions will tell you when he's ready for more information.
Wow, you're lucky you have all that information. Given that, I would also let him take the lead on this. I think you've probably given him enough information for his age right now, and when he gets more curious as he gets older, you could gently broach that you have pictures, would he like to see them? Right now, he seems kind of young to be able to process all of that information.
Just my $0.02.
Judy of Just Enjoy Him
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