Over nine million parents in the U.S. are raising children without theistic religion. The PARENTING BEYOND BELIEF SEMINAR, a unique half-day workshop with author and educator Dale McGowan, offers encouragement and practical solutions for secular parenting in a religious world.
Based on the freethinking philosophy of the book Newsweek called "a compelling read," the PARENTING BEYOND BELIEF SEMINAR is empowering secular parents across the country to raise ethical, caring, confident kids without religion. Participants will learn effective ways to:
Encourage religious literacy without indoctrination; Help kids interact productively with a religious world; Help kids develop active moral reasoning; Weigh church-state issues in the public sphere; Address sensitive issues with religious relatives using the principles of nonviolent communication; Help children develop a healthy understanding of death and a joyful love of life; Build a family atmosphere of fearless questioning and boundless wonder; ...and much more.

I was fortunate enough to attend this presentation a few weeks ago at the beautiful Brooklyn Society for Ethical Culture. I was very excited as the topic is on that is important to me, but also thought perhaps it would be an opportunity for me to meet some like minded parents and make some connections. While the speaker was excellent and the presentation empowering, it wasn't the time or place for the connections I was hoping for. The audience was mostly members of the Brooklyn Society and as intelligent and kind as they were, without a car, Brooklyn is too far away to make connections work.

I did come away with a renewed sense of the need for a community. Years ago, when I lived on the Upper West Side of Manhattan, I belonged to the New York Society for Ethical Culture and enjoyed that very much. I attended the Sunday morning meetings with some regularity -- which was easy as I lived less than 10 blocks away. I moved to Queens, and later to Jersey City, the idea of getting up and into Manhattan by 10:30 on a Sunday was just too much and I fell out of the habit.

I'm thinking its a habit I need to get back into. We are certainly up early enough to get there. They have a Sunday School that Adam will be eligible for at age 4, so that gives me a little time to get my act togther. I got really excited when I read the description of the Sunday School Program:

Sunday School: An Exploration of Ethics for Children
As a parent, you may find yourself uncomfortable with a traditional religious upbringing, yet recognize a need for your children to develop a moral/ethical "compass." In our Sunday class, we focus on the values that humanity has always held high. Each week, children explore these values and celebrate the joys of life through discourse, song, story and deed.
The Goals of the Sunday School Program are:

To explore values such as integrity, honesty, responsibility, courage and commitment.
To affirm the value and uniqueness of each individual.
To promote knowledge and celebration of the diversity among people.
To inspire social responsibility towards individuals, groups and our environment.To develop a child's identity as part of a community.
To learn about those ethical teachings which are common to the world's religion.

Our prime concern is development of the moral reasoning process, something our children can use in myriad ways every day. Through stories, service projects, and art activities, we encourage the exploration of ideas and issues in a safe, inclusive environment. We also encourage FUN!

I think it will be good for both of us!

You would be surprised....

...at the number of people who find it necessary to say to a three year old that he needs to study hard and get a good job so he can take care of mommy when he gets older. You wouldn't believe the looks on their faces when I say "That's NOT his job!"

Adam is three

After my whining and complaining post of yesterday, I thought I should take the time to celebrate the magical , amazing 3 year old that Adam is. (90% of the time!)


It astonishes me how fast it is all going -- how can he possibly be three already? He's now been home longer than he was in the orphanage, which seems incredibly significant somehow.

He is very bright and incredibly verbal with a memory that astounds me. He can tell you the color of every car we've rented and where we went in each car. And he often does. He likes to go over and over his memories, often starting out sentences with "Mommy, remember....."

He is the most social child I've ever know, interested in everybody. He talks ALL THE TIME. His current career aspiration is to be a taxi driver, drive people to the airport, and help them with their suitcases. Its good to have a plan! He lives for his cars, trains, trucks, buses -- anything with wheels! Yet he also has a baby doll (asian boy) that he cares for tenderly, feeding him, changing his diaper, talking him for walks in the stroller. (Which reminds me -- we were out walking the other day and Adam was pushing the doll in the stroller and some complete stranger rather derisively asked "Is he a girl or a boy?" Rather than simply punching him in his ignorant head, I snapped back "He's learning to be a good father." and we went on our way. Seriously. What is wrong with people?)

Loves The Wiggles, Little Bear, Madagascar and Thomas. Adores the movie Mamma Mia (?) and is now getting into The Music Man. He is a big fan of the musical!

We're still struggling with sleep - on an average night he wakes 3 times, andd with eating. Its like the child lives on air. He does now eat at school, two meals and two snacks, so that's an improvement. He weighs a whopping 25 pounds.

He has a terrific sense of humor and is great company. His empathy is developing nicely -- when I was coughing the other night he said "Poor mama! I buy you medicine tomorrow!"

And then there's the control thing-- but sometimes I actually win now. he strongest will I've ever known. While he is still completely capable of the 5 hour temper tantrum, they are much less frequent and further between. He's old enough now to understand "No, but we can do it later..." or "We don't have any, but we can buy some tomorrow"...

I am honored, humbled, and delighted every day (well, almost every day - LOL!) to be his mother.

Keeping up with the quotes.

"What difference does it make to the dead, the orphans, and the homeless, whether the mad destruction is wrought under the name of totalitarianism or the holy name of liberty or democracy?"

-Mohandas K. Gandhi (1869-1948)

I have been remiss.....

....I got sucked into the fast paced, easy to post world of Facebook and have neglected this blog. As much as I am enjoying the instant gratification of Facebook, I'm finding I miss the different pace and level of thinking the blog requires. So, I'm going to try to get myself back into the discipline of posting more regularly.

If you are one of my Facebook pals, you'll know that Adam turned 3 during the trip to Las Vegas from hell. It is all going so fast!

I had sooo been looking forward to this trip. It was to be my first vacation that wasn't a trip to visit family with all the baggage that that entails.

Adam had a runny nose and cough for a few days, but nothing too bad. I, of course, got it, along with a fever of 103.7. But I was determined I was getting on that plane. Too much was at stake! Never mind the airfare and hotel, but there were the tickets for the 3 Manilow shows, and 3 other people coming along on the trip. Called the doctor for antibiotics and figured I'd kick it. HA!

The first morning I made it to breakfast, then about 5 minutes out into the gardens of the Flamingo before immediately having to go back to the room and lay moaning in bed. By this time, Adam had a fever as well and let me tell he, he is not the most pleasant sick person I've ever met. (For me, this is the hardest part of being a single parent -- being sick when he is sick.)

I did, of course, drag my ill self down the strip every night to the Hilton for Barry. I don't know how to explain this, but I think most mothers will understand the sentiment -- for the first time in a long time, I felt like myself. Just me. The show took me out of myself and centered me in a way I haven't felt in a long time. And I badly needed that.

So, basically I had 90 perfect minutes a day and the rest sucked big time. Adam had been very excited about Vegas - he wanted to see dolphins, jump in the water and ride in a boat. Once we actually got there, however, all he was interested in was the monorail ("the lil' train".) On Friday, Adam's 3rd birthday, the plan was to have breakfast and then head to The Secret Garden of Siegfried and Roy. Adam's plan, however, was to read the monorail all day. Thus, the start of the 5 hour temper tantrum from hell.

He cried and complained all through breakfast because we weren't on the monorail. After we finished, we took him for a quick ride, thinking that would satisfy him, but no! The umbrella stroller we took on the trip was too short for me and increased the pain I was having in my back from the coughing and fever, so my much shorter friend volunteered to push the stroller, apparently violating some unspoken rule that only Mama is to push the stroller. The screaming continued. Once we got to the Secret Garden, he decided he wanted to go back to the room and watch Madagascar. It was a nightmare. I very much like the Secret Garden and was determined to see it. I left little Mr. Pissy Pants with my mother and my friend and wandered off by myself for a while and enjoyed the animals. Of course, I coughed so hard that I humiliated myself by vomiting right in the middle of the Secret Garden. Bad day at Black Rock.

I can easily say that Adam's 3rd birthday was the worst behaved he has ever been and he almost drove me over the edge. I have a LOT of patience, but was just so sick myself and so exhausted. I badly needed to sleep and Adam simply refused to consider such a possibility. It was so nice to have other people with me -- as we hit the five hour mark in the nonstop misery I lost it -- completely -- and dragged him down the hall to my friend and explained that I was going to hurt him if she didn't take him. And she took him and let me sleep for a few hours.

After five days on antibiotics I was no better so on the advice of my primary care physician went to the pulmonologist who said I was in the throes of a "massive" asthma attack, which had been triggered by bronchial pneumonia. Sigh. Being newly diagnosed with asthma, I was unaware that I need to treat for asthma with every cold or cough I get. So, I have an inhaler and am on steroids and am just a little bit better, but still dragging and struggling a bit.

Adam is completely recovered and happy to be home and back in his routine. With the exception of Tulsa in June, I don't think we're going to be traveling for a while.