Daycare reopened today (woo hoo!) after a month's vacation. Adam and I were both very excited. He's been looking forward to seeing his beloved teachers Alphonsa and Elizabeth. I've been looking forward to just walking down the block to drop him off rather than drive 20 minutes.
We practically ran down the hallway to his classroom this morning only to be met by Mrs. Helen announcing "He's not in my class this year." HUH?!?!?! I was stunned and quite flabbergasted. . She repeats it and tells me I'll have to go to the office to find out what classroom he is supposed to be in. By this point, Adam is crying because a little boy in the classroom was standing by the door crying and you know how one kid crying sets off all the others...
So I carry my crying boy to the office, furious and upset. I knew that the way the school was structured they would plan to move him at age 2 and a half (he won't be 2 and a half until October) and was already working on my argument to keep him in the same classroom for the balance of the school year and move him next year. As my faithful readers know, Adam has trouble with any change in the daycare routine. I suspect that is at least in part because the loss of his caretakers in Vietnam is still less than a year old. It took a lot for him to trust the teachers and love them.
I think it is too soon for this move, he is too young to understand it. Just as it was too soon for me to leave him with someone other than Mrs. Helen for this first vacation from school. Next year he will be 3 when the vacation comes around, more secure in the situation and able to understand more.
I barged into the office like a madwoman, demanding to know "Why?" "Why?" he was moved. They moved all the kids from his class at the same time. Their argument was that it would be harder to move him in October than now. Sigh. We left it at "Just let him try for a few days...."
I was much more upset about HOW this was handled. Why did I not know this ahead of time? I could have helped prepare him a bit for this transition. Instead, I feel like he was blindsided (he was!) and that he must think I lied to him. We kept talking about how happy Elizabeth and Alphonsa would be to see him and how much he loved them. I cried all the way to work on the subway, feeling his pain, and convinced that I have damaged his trust, that I lied to him and betrayed him.
It's official. I'm one of those crazy mothers.
How Old is Adam?
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8 comments:
You are not one of those crazy mothers! That was handled so badly by the daycare!! I would have been furious too!
I think most daycares go on a child by child basis, not class by class!! That just doesn't make sense to move them all at once when every child has different needs.
You aren't crazy, you are a mother who knows her child and wants what is best for him. There were bad decisions made here, and none of them were made by you. It seems really irresponsible to not tell the parents and give them time to work with thier children on the transition. Especially when it is obvious that Adam is very connected to his caregivers. I'm sorry that you and Adam had to go through this.
No you're not crazy. It sounds as if this was very poorly handled on their end.
You're absolutely NOT one of those mothers! You had every right to expect that they would give you advanced notice of the move. I would be furious too. And I'm surprised, considering how the staff knows Adam's personality and adoption issues. Phoebe, at 18 months, is still in the 'infant' room at her daycare for that exact reason. They won't move her until she's ready. How is Adam doing? Is he okay?
Kathy:
I am Leveta Ray.A long time Dillon Mom and an aquaintance/friend of Nadra.I have been reading your blog and others for a long time mainly because I know my days of adopting are over and I'm 52,husband almost 50 and my kids are Chad 15 (bio) Kaitrin 9 from India through Dillon and Sam 12 also from India through Dillon.I just had to respond on this one.I would be very upset if I were you.I have worked in daycare/preschool for years,some good,some bad and we NEVER did that to a child.We also started the transition of a child to another room 2 weeks ahead of time and they would go and visit the new classroom a few hours each day and build up to a full day.If the child had a hard time transitioning then one of the child's teachers would go with him to ease the transition and we for sure would not have done that with a child going through the changes that Adam has been through and especially not after a month's vacation.You have every right to be upset.If you want to email me to talk more about this you can at clck2001@fidnet.com
Leveta
You are NOT one of those crazy mothers. I would have been FURIOUS. They should have given you a lot of notice and let Adam get used to the idea before making a change like that. Change is hard for little guys.
I don't think you're crazy either; you just want the best for your son. That's a normal mommy! :) Hoping his sleep issues improve as he becomes more comfortable in his new classroom. I've never dealt with the daycare system, but this does seem very unprofessional.
Hope things improve soon.
Heather M.
Dillon forum family
The daycare should have transitioned Adam to the other room for a short period of time each day rather than sending him in cold turkey. I too would have been angry.
Keep us posted on his progress!
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