....and it did not help this morning when, while out walking the dog with Adam, a man down the block asked if he was my GRANDSON! AAIIIIEEEE!!!! I comforted myself with the observation that the man was elderly, that his eyesight must be failing in his old age, and perhaps he was drunk. However, late this afternoon, while at a playground, I got the same question from a young mother. An elaborate Halloween joke, perhaps? Sigh.
Speaking of people just babbling freely when they should clearly just keep their thoughts to themselves, yesterday at the mall, a woman asked me how old Adam is. When I replied that he is 18 months old, she looked horrified and started carrying on "Well, he's much too small for his age! He should be much bigger than that!" I really really can't stand it.
So, I seem to have hit some sort of wall emotionally here, much to my own surprise. I'm suddenly having a very hard time. Adam is beautiful, healthy, smart as a whip, and hilariously funny and I can't believe I'm lucky enough that he is mine. But he is NOT what one would call an "easy" baby. And I'm feeling badly that I'm ...well...feeling badly. I'm tired and cranky and impatient, though, with extreme effort and deep breathing, I don't let the impatience surface in front of Adam. I'm pretty sure that most of this is normal and understand where a lot of it is coming from.
People don't talk about it often, but a lot of being home with a child is....gasp....boring. There is also a lot of fun and so many sweet moments, but I do find myself....bored....some of the time. I'm definitely not used to being home like this. I'm used to getting out to work and talking to adults every day. So that's a part of it.
Another part of it is Adam is at a challenging age -- moving into the terrible twos. I was thinking about it and while I imagine this is a tough time for any parent, if your child is with you from birth or adopted at a younger age, you have this relationship built up already and know the child as he/she moves through these stages. Adam and I were sort of thrust into this stage together. I can see down the road and think that once he can speak, that will alleviate some of the frustration we are both clearly feeling.
After a brief, joyous period of sleeping 12 uninterrupted hours, he's now waking up several times during the night. When he can't fall back asleep immediately, he gets so frustrated and angry. So you can add in sleep deprivation as a contributing factor to my mood.
He does have quite a temper and I've got to say that, when he's tired, he's a mean baby! LOL! He hits when he's tired and you say the dreaded "no" word.
On the bright side, I can see how much he's changed and how far he's come in the short time since we've been home. He understands absolutely everything that is said to him. Yesterday, around nap time, I asked him if he wanted to lay down and he nodded and turned and walked into the bedroom! I was stunned and impressed!
He's become soooo much more social and outgoing. I think his attachment is just about perfect. He's secure enough to be friendly, yet looks to me as sort of "home base". I noticed he has just about stopped most of the orphanage acquired self-soothing behaviors, like rocking on all fours when upset, and whipping his head violently back and forth to fall asleep -- turning, instead, to me for comfort.
I'm also frustrated with bureaucracy and paperwork -- we had an appointment Monday with the pediatrician. I had explained to them on the phone that Adam was adopted and just home from Vietnam. They advised me to bring any health information and vaccination records I had. When we got there, they asked for his adoption papers. Huh? Why would I have brought his adoption papers? "Well, how do we know you REALLY adopted him?" Sigh. Well, I would have been happy to bring them had anyone TOLD me to. It didn't matter in the long run, because it turned out that my insurance company STILL hasn't added him to my policy! I'm supposed to go back to work the Monday after Thanksgiving and I'm worried now that I won't be able to get his vaccinations in time to gently ease him into day care.
I told you I was having a bad week.
How Old is Adam?
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9 comments:
Yep...sounds like a bad week. I'm always amazed at what people will say, but don't let them get to you.
Hang in there!!
A bad week, but you do need to get a thicker skin....this is hard. Did you not expect it to be hard work? Have you connected to EI services for Adam, he could probably qualify for services (OT, PT,and speech). Do you have him eating food yet? He may like milk but that will not sustain his growth and fill his belly to have him sleep through the night. Go out wiht him, go to the park, go ride the trains, join a parents' group. ect......meet new frineds with small children.......
Ah, anonymous. Why do you not post your name with your unsympathetic, condescending comments?
You make a lot of assumptions and judgements. Of COURSE I knew this was going to be hard. I was venting and hoping for others going through the same thing to be able to empathize and be supportive.
Why in the world would assume I am not doing things with Adam? We go to playgrounds, we've taken a daytrip to Atlantic City, he's been to Manhattan three times, to the mall, etc. Friends visit, we visit friends. Do you assume I am sitting in the house staring at him?
I never said he wasn't eating food, just that he was only willing to eat things like yogurt, pudding, peaches and other sweet bland things. I'm 49 years old -- do you really think I don't know that milk is not enough for him?
Adam is not exhibiting any problems that require EI. If he were, I wouldn't hesitate to get them for him. When I said he wasn't talking, I meant he was babbling as is normal for his age.
Do me a favor. Unless you can lose the attitude, please stop reading and commenting. I'm not interested.
Hope you'll have a better week next week.
Thank you for taking time sharing Adam's progress (and he's SO CUTE).
(Sorry, I've been reading your blog for many months now but perhaps never commented).
Love and respect, people.
Everyone is entitled to a bad week! I find it is very therapuetic to vent on my blog. It is healthy and is better than keeping it all inside or letting it affect the ones you love. Let it out and hang in there-you are a wonderful mom and have a wonderful son!
Hello from Vietnam dear friend! Trust me when I say every mom goes through weeks like these. He'll sleep a little longer, you'll learn to laugh when he gives you attitude, and you can carry silly string to shoot at people who make dumb comments... then you'll turn a corner and you'll be enjoying life as a mom again. And getting back to a work routine will be good for you too. It's hard to change the habits of a lifetime, and social interaction is good for mom AND Adam. Take care of yourself and squeeze Adam - tell him his friend Phoebe will be home soon!
Been there girl! Times two with our twins...they came home at 18 months as well. Wonderful, but a trying age to say the least. You'll make it!!
Heather M.
Thanks for posting such honest thoughts...it's much appreciated, as I wait to become a first time mom. Hang in there, it sounds like you're doing great with Adam! PS: Anonymous needs to work on his/her approach to offering "advice"...maybe show a little more compassion?
Kathy, geesh, what is up with your anon. commenter???? I mean the EI eval suggestion is a good one, but WTF with the tone?
ANYWAY, I wish I would have seen this post before. Being a new mom is tough.
It WILL get easier! Esp. when you are both able to get some sleep. Let me try to think of some food suggestions--you would think it would all be on the tip of my tongue but its not!
p.s. I would love to see you over the holidays--if we aren't in VN that is!
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