Silly boy!

I broke a toe a few weeks ago, and now everytime I tape it, here's what has to happen:

Sometimes you have a morning....

...where the baby just wakes up in a bad mood. He goes from being sound asleep to a full-fledged tantrum. You struggle to dress a screaming, kicking baby without injury to either of you. He demands to be taken to the kitchen where he rejects each and everything you offer him, yet shrieks upon being removed from the kitchen. Asks for a bottle, rejects it when produced. You try to put him down to finish getting ready for work. This only escalates the tantrum. Finally, you are both ready to head out and walk the dog and then head to daycare when the accumulated force of the baby's continued screaming leads to him vomiting all over himself. And its only 6:55 a.m.

But then, you have a moment -- lying in bed at the end of such a long and wearying day, when the baby reaches out his hand and strokes your check, softly chanting "my mama" repeatedly.....and its worth every minute.

Woo hoo and a big Yee Ha!

Today, for the first day, Adam did not cry when I dropped him off at day care! This is HUGE!

The no good very bad horrible day.....

....was followed by an amazing day. Usually, when I arrive to pick Adam up at daycare, he is either crying or, if he isn't, bursts into tears when he sees me. The teachers assure me he doesn't cry all day, but since he had yet to nap at daycare, he is understandably tired in the late afternoon and once other parents start trickling in to pick up their kids, he gets upset.

Last night, when I arrived, Adam was totally enthralled by and dancing to a Wiggles DVD. When I called to him and he turned and saw me...he smiled! No tears at all! His teacher told me he had napped for an hour and a half for the second day in a row and she exclaimed happily "Now we are seeing the real Adam!" I really hope we've turned a corner here! Keep your fingers crossed!

When he is good, he is very very good.....

....but when he's bad -- whoa! Watch out! After a wonderful string of five days where Adam was a MOST EXCELLENT baby (very few and much shorter tantrums, little to no head banging, great humor and just a whole lot of fun) last night was the no good very bad horrible night. I arrived at daycare at 5:15. I picked him up and he immediately smacked me in the face, ripping my glasses off. Ok, maybe that was the "Hey! I'm mad at you for leaving me here" smack. We take our pleasant 3 minute walk home, stopping to talk to a neighbor for 5 minutes and Adam is all smiles and cuteness again. We get to our building and make it up the steps and inside the first door without incident. I pull out the keys to open the locked inner door and Adam immediately demands the keys. As I need them to open the inner door, the mailbox, and the apartment door, I decline to give them to him. (Mean mama!) He throws himself on the floor, shrieking and banging his head. I gather him up and deposit him in front of the apartment door, while I get the mail, only steps away. He continues his shrieking and head banging. I drag him into the apartment against his will, wrestle his coat off and get him a bottle. He takes two or three swallows and throws the bottle at the dog (with remarkable aim, hitting the poor pup). Clearly angry, I tell him firmly "No throwing". At which point, we're back to shrieking and head banging and hitting me. He retrieves the bottle and drinks for a few minutes then points to the kitchen and we trudge off to see what he wants to eat. He picks a package of frozen mac and cheese with much enthusiasm, yelling for it as if he hadn't eaten in months during the 2 and a half minutes it is in the microwave. He settles into his high chair, takes ONE elbow macaroni, eats it...and refuses another bite! AAAAIIIEEE!!!!!! It was only 5:50 at this point and I was DONE. I haven't had an uninterrupted night's sleep since September. I've only showered alone twice in four months. I'm tired now.

Hopefully, it will be a better day today. When he is good, he really is very, very good.....

Christmas pictures

Having a snack with cousin Nicky

In the mall in Daytona Beach with Uncle Daniel and cousins Nicky and Ashley just before the infamous one hour mall tantrum

Adam's Elmo stocking

Hey, there's something in here!

Busily swiffer vaccuuming Grandma's house

Playing with a favorite gift in his very cute Christmas outfit

Oh Grandma you're so funny!

Sometimes when I look at Adam....

I think about my life, where I am, and how I got here, all the twists and turns that lead me to this time and place. Then I think about his birth mother and how her path with its own twists and turns led her to have this beautiful boy and make the loving and painful decision to give him up.

I think of our two lives, unfolding 10,000 miles apart, and how each step and choice we made led our paths to cross in the person of "our" son. And my mind is boggled. And grateful. I wish his birth family knew how loved this child is.